Tuesday, August 5, 2014

For Kree

Sorry for my absence, my dear readers.  So much has happened over the last couple of months that I got so behind with writing that instead of catching up, I have avoided it. I simply have not wanted to write because I knew what I needed to share was not going to be easy. But here I am. So let's catch up. Warning: This update is really hard to share and saddens my heart deeply. So, be prepared.

Two months ago, I received probably one of the worst calls of my life. My friend Sara called to tell me that my friend Grace's baby girl, who is just a little over a month younger than my Charlotte, had passed away in her sleep. My heart immediately broke. For Grace. For her family. For the life that little Kree will never live here on earth. And my arms ached to hold her one last time. To see her chubs. And to make her smile. I still can't grasp how quickly she came and how quickly she was gone.

Grace and I were both pretty pregnant when we met. It was nice to have someone so close to the same stage as me to complain to about the final pregnancy months and those uncomfortable parts and some of the awkward things. And also to celebrate with. Talking about names and ultrasounds. Hearing their heartbeats.

When it came time to have our girls, I was so worried that Grace would have Kree before I had Charlotte. And her due date was a month behind mine. But Grace said she always went early so I kept telling Charlotte that she better come out before Kree because she had plenty of time to do so. This time was different for Grace. Kree waited. She came on December 24th. (Charlotte was born on November 12th.)

After our girls were born, we now had more things to talk about. Their weight, their percentages, their sleeping and eating habits. Whether or not we were taking strollers on field trips. How they are growing and changing.

Kree was super strong. And I always felt like she was further along developmentally than Charlotte was. She was holding her head up strong and rolling over much better. Her belly time was long and she could sit pretty solid on laps.

At Kree's funeral, Grace shared all of the amazing things that Kree got to do in her short little life. The list was incredible. I bet some adults couldn't have said they had done all of the things that she had done.

But for me. The best thing Kree did while she was here, was start a great friendship.

If we hadn't both been pregnant, we might not have ended up in the nursery together. We might not have ever crossed paths.

I can't imagine the sadness that overwhelms my friend at times. Or fathom how empty she must feel when all she wants to do is hold Kree. Or grasp how hard it would be to grieve through that while the rest of the world doesn't stop moving forward with life.

My own tears come and go. As I remember this little girl that brought so much joy into the world. And as I think of the friend she brought into my life.

I will always consider her Charlotte's first little friend.

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