Selfish

Just when you feel like you are doing much better at being selfless (when it comes to your spouse at least), kids come along.

Lately, I have spent a lot of time thinking about how selfish I really am.

I want to do what I want to do when I want to do it.

This thought process just does not work when you A)are married and B)have children.

In the morning I struggle to balance what I do with what I need to do.

• I need to read to Kaylee and play with her. I want to check out facebook and see what is going on in the world.

• I need to play and cuddle with Ella. I want to look on craigslist for a van.

• I need to spend time with Kaylee. I want to sew.

When I think about how quickly my little girls are growing up and look at how much time I use doing what I "want" to do, it makes me sick. I get so frustrated when I get interrupted during this "want" time. It is ridiculous. If this continues to be my pattern and my way of life, I will miss out on some great times with my girls (and my husband).  It is time for a change.

Psalm 119:35-37

New International Version (NIV)

³⁵ Direct me in the path of your commands,
   for there I find delight.
³⁶ Turn my heart toward your statutes
   and not toward selfish gain.
³⁷ Turn my eyes away from worthless things;
   preserve my life according to your word.