Don't Say The "D" Word

10 years ago around this time Adam and I were finishing up our premarital counseling in preparation for our quickly approaching wedding.

So for the next 10 weeks, I am going to be sharing about the last 10 years.

Today I want to share about one of the most important pieces of marital advice we received. Our pastor and his wife that did our premarital counseling were great. They did their best to share not only from their own experience, but also share from the Bible and what God says about marriage.

What was this great piece of advice?

Don't say the "D" word.

Divorce.

When you fight.

When you are angry.

When you are hurt.

When you are at your wit's end.

When you are joking around.

Don't say it.

When I decided to marry Adam, I decided to marry him for as long as I live. I told him so. In front of about 200 of our closest family and friends. This commitment that I made to him and with him was also a commitment that I made to God. A covenant.

Our marriage is not perfect.

We fight. And things get heated.

We get on each other's nerves. And disagree.

But "divorce" has never been a part of our vocabulary.

Our 1st Anniversary

Useful Advice

Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered.

My natural tendency is to avoid conflict. I hate it. So, if I think I may offend you with my opinion, I simply will keep it to myself. If I choose to share my opinion on difficult topics with you, then I 1)really trust you, 2)love you very much, and 3)most likely am super scared to tell you what I think but feel like I really should. It is rare for me to take conflict head on.

In marriage you face lots of conflict. And honestly you cannot avoid it even if you have tried. Maybe you could, but it would not be healthy for your relationship. So, the best advice that I received when I got married was to never go to bed angry. 

Did I mention I also tend to harbor anger and resentment and if I don't handle it right away it eats at me for days? 

So, this advice is super challenging for me. Especially with having kids. How can you find time to work through an issue when your 2 and 4 year old kids are underfoot? 

But it is a piece of advice that saves me from days upon days of grouchiness and anger. Adam and I are able to talk things out and at least come to some sort of compromise or at least resolve the part of the argument that is making us irritated with each other even if the conflict itself is still unresolved.

I am sure that there are lots of other wonderful advice I have learned, but this was the first to come to mind.