Jammie Church

Over the last year, I have fallen in love with corporate worship.

For months, we had lazy Sundays of jammie church and coffee.

Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to break that trend when our church announced that it would be opening it's doors again.

Sundays had become a routine. 

We would watch the sermon and maybe sing a song.

When I signed up for church the first week that we could attend and I stood with the smaller congregation and listened to the singing of others around me, I sobbed like a baby.

We are meant to worship together. To do church together.

Hearing other sing, even with muffled voices thanks to the masks. 

I knew I needed to be there.

I know I need to be there. With you.

God has been revealing Himself to me this year. I want more and more of Him. I am thankful for those in my life who are seeking Him, pursuing Him with me. I love the church.

New Year's Resolutions and What Not

Well, new years has come and gone.

But I still have a ton of resolutions for this year. When I look at my list, it is much more than my usual 3 items, but I am not overwhelmed by it.

This year I am also taking on a word. My friend Annie does this every year and this year the word "balance" kept coming to me when I thought of my resolutions.  I need balance in so many areas of my life. Those areas are where I have my resolutions as well.

First, is health. I want to eat well and feed my family nutritious foods, but also enjoy food that may not be nutritious. I want balance in not going to one extreme or the other. My personal goal is to lose 15-25 pounds by my anniversary in June. Adam and I have been married for 10 years this year and I want to look my best when we celebrate. I also want to work-out between 4-6 times a week all year. Now that I have 1 5K behind me, I want to continue to run. My first 5K of the year will also be my first 5K with my parents. After a lot of conversation and convincing, they have agreed to do this run with me and I am extremely excited to have them join me. My resolution is to run 2+ 5K's this year. Ultimately, I want to finish the year feeling good in my skin.

Next, is my spiritual walk. My thoughts tend to be "glass half-empty", pessimistic, and negative towards others around me. I want my thoughts to be more focused on God and that of Philippians 4:8. This one leads to my next goal of praying for Adam and the girls on a regular basis. I also want to find more joy in my children and to laugh and have more fun with my family. These things are important to my spiritual walk because God has blessed me with this little family and since He is the giver of joy, I know I need to look to Him for this.

Lastly, is daily living. This last year I struggled to stay in budget. I hope to stay within budget on groceries for 9 out of 12 months this year. Something else that seemed to get away from me was my house. I want to keep up with it better, making time for quick clean-up every night and quick deep clean once a week so it stays clean overall.

What are some of your resolutions and goals for 2015? Do you have a word for the year? 2015 is going to be a good year. Looking forward to sharing it with all of you!

Pool of Entrapment

Something I have been thinking about for almost a year now is finally making it's way into the pages of my blog. 

I find sin to be interesting. Interesting because my sin won't look like your sin. My sin is my own. My struggles are my own. My temptations may not be ones that tempt you.

There was a time in my past when I remember how slowly sin took over. We are warned that Satan is the great deceiver and in my case I did not heed the warning as I should have by guarding myself against him.

This summer I went to the pool. A lot. When I go to the pool, I like to dip my toe in first to see how cold it is. Usually nodding to myself and thinking it feels a little cold, but good because of the heat. Then, I slowly put my whole foot in for one more test. Manageable cold. Worth it. I go to the steps and slowly step by step immerse myself into the pool until I am completely up to my chin in water. When it is time to go I don't want to leave. It took a lot of time getting used to the temperature. I don't want other people to see they way I look as I get out. Plus, it is going to be so cold. Brr. I wait a little longer.

That is exactly how I had given into sin.

I had this one little taste of sin. And it didn't seem so bad. Satan helped deceive me. "Why did people say this was wrong? Meh. It really was ok. Slowly, my whole foot went in. Still - fine. As my body immersed in this pool, I was blinded by justification. Lies. Slowly my sin isolated me from everyone that I loved. I was living in sin. Waiting in the pool of my sin. Comfortable. Blindly wandering around in the dark and completely oblivious to where I was.

I remember one day looking at my life. Really looking. Seeing my sin. Recognizing that it was sin for the first time. And seeing the pool. And realizing that I didn't know how to get out. I was scared. And alone. Leaving my sin behind would bring a new isolation as I would be letting go of the only people that I still had in my life. Leaving my sin behind meant freedom though. I wanted freedom.

My heart and soul cried out to God. "Please! Help me! Get me out of my sin. I can't do it alone. I don't have the strength. I need You!"

God heard my cry. He answered the very next day. He released me from my sin.

It was not easy leaving my sin. I had hurt so many people. Trust was broken with many and I had to prove I was trustworthy all over again. Honestly, this step took years.

There were new relationships that came to be where I had to, needed to, share my history. It saddened my heart to share this, but I needed them to know. To forgive me.

My getting out of the pool was so difficult. Letting go of all of the lies that I had been told and remembering what I was working toward.

Redemption.

Redemption with God. Redemption with friends. Redemption with family.

This holiday season as I look back, I am so grateful that God heard my cry.

Psalm 40:2 says, "He lifted me out of the slimy pit, out of the mud and mire; he set my feet on a rock and gave me a firm place to stand."

I am ending with a verse from a song that we sang in my church growing up:

My heart was distressed ’neath Jehovah’s dread frown,
And low in the pit where my sins dragged me down;
I cried to the Lord from the deep miry clay,
Who tenderly brought me out to golden day.

He brought me out of the miry clay,
He set my feet on the Rock to stay;
He puts a song in my soul today,
A song of praise, hallelujah!

Back From Colorado

We just got back from the longest drive we have ever taken our girls on. While Google says the trip to Pueblo should take about 17 hours, it took us more like 20.

On our way out, we stopped to visit with Adam's coach/dean of men from Vennard. Adam and I always enjoyed he and his wife's company when we were at school and since we were passing through there town, we called them up. It was such a great little visit.

We finally made it to Michael and Rachel's just in time to see Michael at his store and then go back to their house to put the girls to bed for the night. Then, Michael and I went over to church and practiced for Sunday.

The week flew by as each day had something fun.

We hung out with Rachel's family. (The girls made a craft with Rachel and her mom, June.)

We had Christmas together. 

We toured Pueblo.

We visited Focus on the Family's Whit's End and Adventures in Odyssey exhibit.

We drove through the garden of the gods.

We rode the cog-rail up to Pike's Peak. (Although, we couldn't go all the way to the top because the snow plow was broken and there was snow on the tracks.)

We met up with college friend's Derrick and Renee and their family for dinner. It was nice to catch up and hear what they are up to!

We picnic'd at Uplift Mountain and watched Adam do some of the obstacle course. (I was going to post the videos, but my phone is taking too long to upload them.)

We walked around Bishop's Castle.

We relaxed. 

We took some fun pictures.

It was a fun-filled week visiting with Michael and Rachel. 

On the way home, we stopped in Missouri and saw some more friends. We played some Cash and Guns and talked about life. (This seriously was one turn. Do you see how many guns were pointed at me?)

We drove the last 6 hours and arrived home with plenty of time to unpack and do laundry. :)
It was great to get away, see family and friends, and be rejuvenated.

Friday

Friday. I love Friday.

Yesterday was a super fun one.

The day started with my 6am wake-up call. I spent time talking to God and then got busy working. Can't do that without my coffee.

Once 8 rolled around it was time to get the girls ready for the day and for gymnastics. (After a FaceTime call from my parents.)

The day wouldn't be complete if I didn't have to give Charlotte a complete wardrobe change right when we are supposed to be walking out the door.

Finally got everyone loaded into the car.

And to gymnastics.

After gymnastics, we ran to Wal-Mart to pick up some pictures I needed for Charlotte's scrapbook and then went home and ate lunch.

I vacuumed the carpets and then put the girls down for naps.

While they napped, I worked on Charlotte's book and folded laundry.

After naps, we had dinner with Annie, Jeremy, and Paige and then Annie and I ran to Wal-Mart to pick up a different picture that I had printed. (Yes, I went to two different Wal-Marts on the same day because I didn't realize that I was printing pictures at the wrong one until it was too late.) Once we were back, the girls were all put to bed and then we played Jeremy's pick of Takenoko and Adam's pick of Smash Up. (Picture is of Takenoko.)

When they left, I finished folding laundry and watched some Doctor Who. (Such a great show!)

What did you do yesterday?

30 Years

My best friend turned 30 over the weekend.

I think birthdays should be celebrated. Life is temporary here on earth. And short. So celebrate with those you love when you survive another year.

So, for Meggan's birthday, we had a kid-free weekend in Chicago with friends. It was extremely fun!

We started the weekend off with a birthday dessert at the Trump Terrace (Yes. Dessert before dinner.), which offered some of the most amazing views of Chicago.

After that, we went to dinner at Local 22. (The pic below is from the bathroom.) I had a chicken-wrap and oh man it was delicious. That plus my sweet potato fries made dinner amazing. We considered doing karaoke afterwards, but none of us were brave enough to be the first to go. Especially when we would have to follow this guy that had the crowd eating out of his hand. We talked about dancing after that, but didn't want to wait in the long line outside of Joe's.

Sunday was exciting as we toured downtown. We went to Millennium Park and checked-out cloud gate "the bean" first and then headed past the faces that spit water. Then, we thought it would be fun to walk 2.9 miles to Navy Pier. Needless to say, we were starving by the time we got there so we ate at Harry Caray's for lunch. Thankfully, we made it there and got a table before the rain brought in a huge crowd. After dinner we walked to the end of the pier and then took a free trolley and the L back to our car.

When we got back to the hotel, we played pool basketball against the Schwirtz's and lost to them by 1. And then after that game we played PIG and I beat them all. Which is pretty funny because I am the least athletic and have played that least amount of college basketball out of all of us. For dinner, we went to good ol' Chili's so we could eat 5 baskets of the bottomless chips and salsa plus our dinners.

The weekend was fantastic. Exhausting. And fun. I had such a good time that I was actually pretty sad to get home.

A quick shout-out to all the parents and family that watched all the kids so that we could have a weekend together. Especially to my parents who had to take on my baby girl which included lots of diaper changes plus two rambunctious little girls.

And to Meggan, may this year be truly remarkable and a thousand times more amazing than you ever dreamed it could be. Love you.

For Kree

Sorry for my absence, my dear readers.  So much has happened over the last couple of months that I got so behind with writing that instead of catching up, I have avoided it. I simply have not wanted to write because I knew what I needed to share was not going to be easy. But here I am. So let's catch up. Warning: This update is really hard to share and saddens my heart deeply. So, be prepared.

Two months ago, I received probably one of the worst calls of my life. My friend Sara called to tell me that my friend Grace's baby girl, who is just a little over a month younger than my Charlotte, had passed away in her sleep. My heart immediately broke. For Grace. For her family. For the life that little Kree will never live here on earth. And my arms ached to hold her one last time. To see her chubs. And to make her smile. I still can't grasp how quickly she came and how quickly she was gone.

Grace and I were both pretty pregnant when we met. It was nice to have someone so close to the same stage as me to complain to about the final pregnancy months and those uncomfortable parts and some of the awkward things. And also to celebrate with. Talking about names and ultrasounds. Hearing their heartbeats.

When it came time to have our girls, I was so worried that Grace would have Kree before I had Charlotte. And her due date was a month behind mine. But Grace said she always went early so I kept telling Charlotte that she better come out before Kree because she had plenty of time to do so. This time was different for Grace. Kree waited. She came on December 24th. (Charlotte was born on November 12th.)

After our girls were born, we now had more things to talk about. Their weight, their percentages, their sleeping and eating habits. Whether or not we were taking strollers on field trips. How they are growing and changing.

Kree was super strong. And I always felt like she was further along developmentally than Charlotte was. She was holding her head up strong and rolling over much better. Her belly time was long and she could sit pretty solid on laps.

At Kree's funeral, Grace shared all of the amazing things that Kree got to do in her short little life. The list was incredible. I bet some adults couldn't have said they had done all of the things that she had done.

But for me. The best thing Kree did while she was here, was start a great friendship.

If we hadn't both been pregnant, we might not have ended up in the nursery together. We might not have ever crossed paths.

I can't imagine the sadness that overwhelms my friend at times. Or fathom how empty she must feel when all she wants to do is hold Kree. Or grasp how hard it would be to grieve through that while the rest of the world doesn't stop moving forward with life.

My own tears come and go. As I remember this little girl that brought so much joy into the world. And as I think of the friend she brought into my life.

I will always consider her Charlotte's first little friend.

Yesterday

Yesterday started off as usual. 6:00am wake up for me and my own quiet time until it was time to get ready for preschool.

After getting the girls ready and eating breakfast, I got the blog ready to post so that I could post it from preschool.

Once that was ready to go, I fed Charlotte who turned 6 months old yesterday.

Then, I loaded up the girls and we were off to our last day of preschool. During the morning, I stopped in and checked on them.

Since yesterday was the last day of preschool we had a pitch-in lunch before coming home. As soon as we got home I put all the girls down for naps and took a short one myself. Then, my best friend Meggan (my blog guest from yesterday) called and so I sat outside while talking with her and watched my bird feeders for birds.

After naps I sat outside for a little longer with Charlotte before making dinner.

Then, I got ready for the preschool program with some help from Elanor.

Once we were all ready to go, we headed off to the program and reception. All of the kids did such a great job.

We are so happy to be done with preschool this year. Looking forward to next year.

Cousin Dakota spent the night with us so when we got home, I put all of the girls to bed.

And then cuddled up with Adam to watch SpiderMan 3, which by the way is one of the worst movies ever.

Then, I showered and went to bed. It was a great day. Long. But great.

I hope you had a great Monday! :)

May Mingle

May is coming and I am a bit excited about this.

During May I am going to have several guest bloggers. And you are going to love all of them! I am looking forward to reading what each of them have to share and cannot wait to share these blogs with each of you.

Keep a look out for them! 

Unglued

My best friend Meggan gave me a book called Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst probably 3 years ago. I am not certain of the time frame, but that is my guess. Honestly, I am not sure why I never read the book. Maybe I was little offended that she thought I needed the book? I started reading it at some point because I had a spot marked where I left off, but hadn't gotten very far. Blah, blah, blah. Haha. The point is that I am finally reading it.

So far, it has been super interesting. I am learning so much about myself and the way that I respond to others in situations. She has you take this little quiz to determine what kind of reaction type you are and with who. The who makes a difference in how you respond. So for me, when it comes to Adam, most family, and probably friends, I tend to internally process and internally suppress which makes me a stuffer that builds barriers. However, with my girls, I am the exact opposite. I externally process and externally express which makes me an exploder that blames others. With Adam, I tend to keep my frustrations to myself and with my girls I tend to get so frustrated that I explode. I yell. And I hate both reactions.

This book was/is definitely something I needed. (Good call, Meggan.)

One thing that I love about it so far is her thought of "imperfect progress" because when you are trying to change something about yourself it is difficult to see that you actually are changing. It's such a slow a grueling process and it is not perfect in any way. But at least it is progress.

Take her assessment online. It's not the same as the one in the book, but it gave me the same result.

What kind of reaction type are you and who do you react that way to?

Want to make imperfect progress? Read the book.

Little Old Me

Lately I have been seriously struggling with grief over losing sweet baby D. Yes, I know it has been over a year. Yes, I know I have my beautiful little Charlotte to love. Yes, I am grateful for each of my children. But there is a hole. A part of me missing.

My grief is also tied into my personal walk with God. The best way I have found to word how I feel, is actually from a song by Chris Brown called "Give Me Faith". I don't remember much about the song as a whole, but the chorus goes like this:

"Give me faith, to trust what you say, that you're good and your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give you my life."

My struggle has been that I simply want to feel God's love. I know that my relationship with God is more than emotions and about having faith.  But in these moments. Where all I feel like doing is sobbing. And holding my heart out to God asking Him to mend the broken parts. Wanting so badly for Him to pull me into a hug and tell me He loves me. The emotion is what I yearn for. That feeling, that He cares about little old me.

I know He is good. I know His love is great. I need faith to trust in that. That that faith will be enough for me until He reveals His presence to me.

This is the song I mentioned, if you would like to take a listen:

A Great Friday

Yesterday was one of the best Fridays that I have had in a while. The day started early with a bottle for Charlotte. And yes I am real tired.

She is so sweet to feed. She always props her hand up on her head.

After she was finished with her bottle and the girls were finished with their oatmeal that Papa made for them, they did some tummy time.

Of course I had to have my breakfast during this time.

When tummy time was finished the girls got dressed. Ella and I looked at old picture albums.

Papa gave Kaylee a horse ride.

 And Momma gave the girls some surprise Barbie doll dresses. 

While the grandparents entertained my children, I straightened my hair.

And cleaned the bathroom.

Then, we all went to run errands.

Finishing up the errands at Chickfila's play place.

When we got back from errands it was time for naps and for Charlotte to eat again.

After I fed Charlotte and put her to bed, Adam and I got caught up on Survivor.

And wrapped Ella's birthday presents.

Then, I made dinner and we all ate.

My Mema and Pepa flew in for the weekend for Charlotte's dedication and joined us for dinner. Charlotte was named after my Mema. Mema fed Charlotte her dinner.

Pepa gave her cuddles after dinner.

Bedtime for all three girls came quickly after dinner. I put Charlotte to bed last.

And finished the evening by watching Catching Fire with Adam and my parents.

Such a good day.