Healthy Living, Cancer, Scentsy, Grandma, Garages, Birthdays, Sports, Games and Diapers

I don't know how things are going for you, but life here seems busier than ever.

The other day I was thinking about how much I miss all of you. Thoughts of what to tell you run through my mind, but making time to sit down and share them has not been an option until today.

So, get your cup of coffee, find a comfy spot on the couch and let's catch up.

If you follow me on facebook at all, you may have seen that I recently started selling Scentsy. For those of you that have no clue what Scentsy is, it is a home fragrance line. We have everything from wax warmers to dish soap. In Septemberish of last year I had attended a party and learned of Scentsy. I had been using some plug-ins to make my house smell good for a while and was getting frustrated because the one scent that I liked, I could only find at Kroger occasionally. So, when I found several fragrances from Scentsy, I had to switch! In February, I decided to join the Scentsy team. It's been super fun so far. I have been extremely happy with the products as well as the customer support. Here is my website if you want to check it out.

Join me!

Through Scentsy, I found my healthy living motivation. Pretty much since August I have struggled once again with eating right and being active. Laziness is definitely a sin issue for me that I know the Lord is constantly chiseling away at. Molding and growing. In January, along with everyone else in the world, I made resolutions to get back at it and have failed miserably off and on since then. At the beginning of March, I received an email about Scentsy's Health Challenge and I knew I had to sign-up to participate. It started this week and I am dying. Haha. The hardest part is drinking 64 ounces of water every day. Before this week, I drank coffee and about 0 ounces of water. Yikes! So with 4 days in, I am feeling more motivated and that is such a great feeling. Onward! Oh and I signed up for my first race of the year which is in June. :)

Adam's game is officially in game stores. It's be so great to see him light up when sharing his game with others and hearing about people playing it. I still cannot beat him in a two-player game and when I do I will never play two-player again. Ha. You can check out more info here if you would like.

Other things going on here. Adam's sweet grandma has been in rehab so the girls and I have made efforts to see her every other week. It is such a delightful visit. The girls talk her ears off and it's even more so now that Charlotte has joined in.

Homeschooling has been going well for the most part. Kaylee is reading non-stop and loving it which makes me super excited! We have the occasional melt-down which can make some days hard. Overall though, I would say this year has gone well.

Kaylee just finished up her first season of basketball. It was awesome to see her make progress and to cheer her team on. I loved it and so did she. I am looking forward to her playing again.

Her ball goes in here. :)

Elanor just turned 5. She had a Barbie fashion party. My sister-in-law's, Grace and Kati, helped me give the girls makeovers and then they put dress-up clothes on and walked the runway. It was so cute! I think fun was had by all.

Charlotte has been spending a lot of her time running around naked lately. She may be ready to be potty trained, but I am not. Mainly because it requires being home for several days in a row and I just don't have that right now. Maybe once co-op is done. I am also not sure if I am ready for her to officially be out of the baby stage. It's hard to say that that phase in my life is done. I'll get there. Until then duct tape is the only way to keep her diaper on at bed time. There has been a time or two that even that didn't work.

Doesn't this look fun?

My momma has been having a rough go at things. The medications have all been messing with her leaving her weak and making it impossible for her to get around. I know a lot of you have been praying for her. Thank you for that. I get to go visit and help after her next chemo treatment which is this Thursday. Even though it is not a vacation visit of sorts, I am looking forward to being able to hug her and my dad. I hate living states away and not being able to help more often. Adam, friends, and family will have the girls while I am away. Please pray that my girls will be so good for everyone watching them. Thanks to all for helping.

Our garage. We were finally having one put on. It is so close to being done. It's been hard to park with all the construction going on, but I am excited to be able to park inside again. Especially on rainy days like today.

Beginning stages.

Softball for the girls and for Adam starts soon. In the meantime, I am enjoying the brief break from sports.

That catches you up on things here for the most part. How have you been? Anything new? I am so behind on everyone else's life. So, tell me. How are things? I hope you are doing well.

Cherished Moment

Last night Charlotte couldn't sleep because she was super congested. I went in her room about 4 times over an hour before deciding to hold her on my chest in the recliner and let her sleep on me.

I hardly got any sleep. But at around 7 she woke up and we moved to the couch. She laid next to me with her chubby fingers and kept stroking my cheek and playing with my hair.

She's two.

I am not sure how many more times she will do this. Or how many more times she will sleep on my chest.

So I cherish these things in my heart. No sleep and all.

Friday

Friday. I love Friday.

Yesterday was a super fun one.

The day started with my 6am wake-up call. I spent time talking to God and then got busy working. Can't do that without my coffee.

Once 8 rolled around it was time to get the girls ready for the day and for gymnastics. (After a FaceTime call from my parents.)

The day wouldn't be complete if I didn't have to give Charlotte a complete wardrobe change right when we are supposed to be walking out the door.

Finally got everyone loaded into the car.

And to gymnastics.

After gymnastics, we ran to Wal-Mart to pick up some pictures I needed for Charlotte's scrapbook and then went home and ate lunch.

I vacuumed the carpets and then put the girls down for naps.

While they napped, I worked on Charlotte's book and folded laundry.

After naps, we had dinner with Annie, Jeremy, and Paige and then Annie and I ran to Wal-Mart to pick up a different picture that I had printed. (Yes, I went to two different Wal-Marts on the same day because I didn't realize that I was printing pictures at the wrong one until it was too late.) Once we were back, the girls were all put to bed and then we played Jeremy's pick of Takenoko and Adam's pick of Smash Up. (Picture is of Takenoko.)

When they left, I finished folding laundry and watched some Doctor Who. (Such a great show!)

What did you do yesterday?

For Kree

Sorry for my absence, my dear readers.  So much has happened over the last couple of months that I got so behind with writing that instead of catching up, I have avoided it. I simply have not wanted to write because I knew what I needed to share was not going to be easy. But here I am. So let's catch up. Warning: This update is really hard to share and saddens my heart deeply. So, be prepared.

Two months ago, I received probably one of the worst calls of my life. My friend Sara called to tell me that my friend Grace's baby girl, who is just a little over a month younger than my Charlotte, had passed away in her sleep. My heart immediately broke. For Grace. For her family. For the life that little Kree will never live here on earth. And my arms ached to hold her one last time. To see her chubs. And to make her smile. I still can't grasp how quickly she came and how quickly she was gone.

Grace and I were both pretty pregnant when we met. It was nice to have someone so close to the same stage as me to complain to about the final pregnancy months and those uncomfortable parts and some of the awkward things. And also to celebrate with. Talking about names and ultrasounds. Hearing their heartbeats.

When it came time to have our girls, I was so worried that Grace would have Kree before I had Charlotte. And her due date was a month behind mine. But Grace said she always went early so I kept telling Charlotte that she better come out before Kree because she had plenty of time to do so. This time was different for Grace. Kree waited. She came on December 24th. (Charlotte was born on November 12th.)

After our girls were born, we now had more things to talk about. Their weight, their percentages, their sleeping and eating habits. Whether or not we were taking strollers on field trips. How they are growing and changing.

Kree was super strong. And I always felt like she was further along developmentally than Charlotte was. She was holding her head up strong and rolling over much better. Her belly time was long and she could sit pretty solid on laps.

At Kree's funeral, Grace shared all of the amazing things that Kree got to do in her short little life. The list was incredible. I bet some adults couldn't have said they had done all of the things that she had done.

But for me. The best thing Kree did while she was here, was start a great friendship.

If we hadn't both been pregnant, we might not have ended up in the nursery together. We might not have ever crossed paths.

I can't imagine the sadness that overwhelms my friend at times. Or fathom how empty she must feel when all she wants to do is hold Kree. Or grasp how hard it would be to grieve through that while the rest of the world doesn't stop moving forward with life.

My own tears come and go. As I remember this little girl that brought so much joy into the world. And as I think of the friend she brought into my life.

I will always consider her Charlotte's first little friend.

Unglued

My best friend Meggan gave me a book called Unglued by Lysa TerKeurst probably 3 years ago. I am not certain of the time frame, but that is my guess. Honestly, I am not sure why I never read the book. Maybe I was little offended that she thought I needed the book? I started reading it at some point because I had a spot marked where I left off, but hadn't gotten very far. Blah, blah, blah. Haha. The point is that I am finally reading it.

So far, it has been super interesting. I am learning so much about myself and the way that I respond to others in situations. She has you take this little quiz to determine what kind of reaction type you are and with who. The who makes a difference in how you respond. So for me, when it comes to Adam, most family, and probably friends, I tend to internally process and internally suppress which makes me a stuffer that builds barriers. However, with my girls, I am the exact opposite. I externally process and externally express which makes me an exploder that blames others. With Adam, I tend to keep my frustrations to myself and with my girls I tend to get so frustrated that I explode. I yell. And I hate both reactions.

This book was/is definitely something I needed. (Good call, Meggan.)

One thing that I love about it so far is her thought of "imperfect progress" because when you are trying to change something about yourself it is difficult to see that you actually are changing. It's such a slow a grueling process and it is not perfect in any way. But at least it is progress.

Take her assessment online. It's not the same as the one in the book, but it gave me the same result.

What kind of reaction type are you and who do you react that way to?

Want to make imperfect progress? Read the book.

Lately

Our March was super crazy busy and awesome!

The month started out with Indy Con, our local gaming convention that Adam helps run. It is an invitation only 3 day board game convention limited to 150 people. 3 full days of board gaming with Adam without our girls so we get to game with each other.

The second weekend Adam went to a tournament with our friend Jeremy, and Jeremy's wife came over with their daughter Paige to hang out while they were gone. We spent the morning at Target. (of course I couldn't get a picture of all 3 of them looking.)

    

The third weekend was full of celebration. My parents came into town on Thursday and it was nice to have some time with them alone before all of the festivities. Friday, my Mema and Pepa came. I haven't seen them in person in 4 years! It was definitely wonderful to see them and hug their necks. Saturday we took them to Carmel and went to Bubs for lunch. It was a tad cold so we didn't spend as much time outside as we would have liked, but it was still a fun day. Sunday we had Charlotte's dedication at church, lunch afterwards, and then Elanor's birthday party that evening. Adam's family and my Uncle Dennis and his family came for the festivities along with a few friends that joined us for the dedication. It was such a fun busy day and I was exhausted by the end of it. The weekend as a whole was a blast. My cup was full and running over after the weekend ended.

The third weekend was our usual game day that we have every month. We have been averaging 20 people and this month did not disappoint. Annie, at one point, had all of the little girls on the couch with her.

The last weekend of the month I went to my very first home-school convention with my mother-in-law, Markita. It was a day packed with sessions and walking around the exhibit hall looking at curriculum. First off, I must admit, I enjoyed the sessions that I went to. They were incredible and insightful. They were both by Heidi St John, who is a tremendous speaker not only about home-schooling, but about being a momma in general. Looking forward to reading her book. I also had a marvelous time talking with Markita about life and about my handsome husband. It was really a great day.

April isn't as packed as March was, but I am really looking forward to what is on the calendar so far.

A Renewed Kind of Love

Recently I have tried something new. In the midst of whatever kind of day I am having, I pick up the closest of my little girls and simply whisper "I love you very much" to them. Their response is one that ultimately brings tears to my eyes. They give me a HUGE smile, wrap their arms around me, and give me a bear hug.

As I stood in the kitchen holding my almost 5 year old Kaylee, I contemplated the miracles that each of my children are. 

I loved my girls before they were ever born. Through 9 months of carrying them. Feeling them move. Seeing and hearing their hearts beat. Delivering them. Seeing them for the first time. I did not think my love could be greater than that.

Until we lost sweet baby D.

My love for my children, which can sometimes be skewed by my own sinful nature and by their bad behavior, was renewed. And so much more than I could ever imagine.

And I am reminded that life is such a miracle. And should not be taken for granted. 

So, try it. Pick up one of your children. Tell them you love them. When they least expect it.  Let their response bring joy to your day. Save their response in your heart.

Letting Go

Today I moved Charlotte to her own room.

It was time.

But it is so hard to let go.

She is my last baby to sleep in the cradle. The last baby I will roll over and watch sleep next to me.  The last one to wake me with her grunts and wiggles.

We also started putting her in the nursery during church.

I am a firm believer of these small steps of letting go. It makes it easier in the long run. For them. And for us.

While there are days that I am not ready, I know that it is what must be done sooner or later.

And every day she is cooing and smiling more. And feeling more and more like a baby and less like a newborn. Giving me more things to let go of.

One Year

A year ago today we lost our 3rd baby.

As I look at my Charlotte, I cannot fathom not ever knowing her. My heart overflows with delight and love for her. She stirs emotions in my heart that are at times overwhelming. A sense of overwhelming joy.  I have never given much thought to how Noah must have felt when that rainbow appeared until now.

Rain for 40 days and nights would be so tiring and depressing. I can barely make it through a week of rain before I start grumbling about it. And to go through all of that rain and finally set foot on dry land and see that beautiful rainbow break through the clouds... remarkable. A moment of sheer unspeakable joy. Now I know in Noah's case, it was literal rain, but for me life's storms and real storms both bring out the darkest emotions in me. And when that storm finally eases up. And the sunshine barely peeks out of the clouds just enough to present one of the most beautiful displays of color the world has ever seen. My heart soars knowing the storm has passed if just for a moment. One moment to breathe and thank God for such a beautiful moment.

That beautiful rainbow is my Charlotte.

And as I reflect on the storm. And the depth of pain and heartache that came with it. And remember my sweet baby that I will never see this side of eternity. I thank God for my little rainbow. The rainbow that would have never existed if I hadn't faced that storm.

Our Church Family

Between 3 doctor visits for Charlotte, 1 doctor visit for Adam, 1 call to 911, 1 trip to the ER, taking our fur baby Titus to a shelter, lack of sleep from having a newborn, colds for all of us girls, and making the transition from being a family of 4 to being a family of 5 the last 5 weeks have gone by in a blur.

In spite of all the craziness, these weeks have been wonderful. Wonderful because of the beautiful baby that I hold in my arms. Wonderful because the girls love their little sister. And truly wonderful because of our church family.

Our church family is incredible when it comes to families having babies. For the last 5 weeks people have provided our family a meal 3 days a week. This is such an incredible blessing. I cannot express to you how amazing it is to not have to stress out about meals on top of everything else. It is a marvelous gift that I personally am extremely grateful for.

To all of those that provided a meal for us, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Titus

Today we are saying good-bye to Titus. In 2007 Adam and I moved to Indiana. After deciding to wait to get a house until 2008, we agreed on getting a cat to hopefully hold off my baby fever. I went online and found Titus on the humane society website. When we arrived I could not find him and I was extremely discouraged because I really wanted an orange short haired tabby. Adam suggested walking through and looking one last time and thankfully I found him. He was resting in the back of his cage which is why we had missed him the first time.

Titus has been a very good cat. He has had a few accidents over the years, but they all revolve around big changes such as moving and babies being born. It was never a huge problem though because we had hardwood floors so he would pee on something that we left on the floor, like a towel.


Titus loves the girls. It never ceases to amaze me the things that he lets Kaylee and Ella do to him, yet he still comes back for more. They run with him. They jump with him. They dance with him. They play chase and hide and seek. I know they will miss him.

He has seen me through some of my most difficult moments. From wanting a baby to finding out I was pregnant. From hating my job to finding out that I got a new one. From finding out my Momma had cancer to finding out that her surgery was a success. From losing the baby last year to finding out I was pregnant with Charlotte. From quiet times in the morning to playing with the girls in the loud moments of the day. These are times when he has climbed up into my lap and just let me cry or laugh. He has been a very good friend over the years.

Good-bye old friend.

Charlotte's Birth Story

On Monday when I woke up pregnant, I knew it was time to call my doctor and change my Tuesday appointment to an induction if possible. My contractions had been coming consistently for over 2 weeks and were waking me up most nights making sleep impossible.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am and we were immediately taken to a room.  I'll be honest. It was so very strange going to the hospital in order to have a baby versus going because I was in labor. Come to find out though that my morning discomfort was actually contractions that were 8 minutes apart. Once they had me hooked up to all the monitors and had my IV in, they checked me and I was 5 cm dilated already. The nurses said that if I had stuck to my normal appointment that afternoon, the doctor would have sent me over to the hospital to deliver anyways.

At 8:30 they started me on the lowest dose of pitocin. This made my contractions slightly closer together, but I don't feel like they really turned painful until the doctor broke my water about 30 min later. From that point labor moved quickly. We tried to play a game, but labor became so difficult that we were not able to finish the game before the baby came. Around 10:40 I started feeling some pressure to push, but after asking the nurse when they were going to check me for dilation again I decided that maybe I was wrong. 15 minutes later I was certain that I was getting close to pushing and asked the nurse to check me. She checked me and I was 9 cm. They quickly brought in the doctor and prepared for delivery. As soon as the doctor arrived she checked me to make sure that I could push and I was at 10 cm. 3 pushes later and Charlotte Faye entered the world. 

And she is beautiful. I love her.

Charlotte Faye 11/12/13 Born at 11:08 am. 8 pounds 11 ounces 21 inches

My Reflection

In our old house all of our mirrors were high. So when I looked at my reflection, I simply saw myself from the chest and up.

One of the last days in the old house, I went in to put some laundry away in Kaylee's room and was surprised by the very pregnant woman looking back at me. Her dresser is usually stacked high with pillows so I still only get the partial view of myself, but this day the pillows were on the floor.

Our new house gives me the whole view of myself every time I go to the bathroom. It still amazes me how surprised I am by my pregnant reflection. We have been in the house for 5 days now, you would think I would be used to it. I know that I am pregnant and have been for 35 weeks, but seeing myself pregnant is crazy weird.

I am looking forward to the last few weeks of my pregnancy and getting to watch my belly grow before Charlotte arrives. Maybe I will even be able to tell when she drops. :)

Boy or Girl

Tomorrow we find out the sex of the baby.

To say I am anxious would be an understatement.

Elanor wants another sister. Kaylee wants a brother like her friends Anelise, Leah, and Addison.

I love my girls. They are best friends. And a bond that I never had with my brother. Sisters.

If this baby is another girl, I will be happy for her that she and her sisters will grow up close and have that sisterly bond. Clothes will not be an issue because we are swimming in girl clothes.

But I would be lying if I said that I didn't hope this baby is a boy. A boy that Adam can take hunting and fishing. A boy that he can wrestle with. A boy that can carry on the family name. A boy to play in the dirt and collect sticks.

When Adam and I first got married, he always said he wanted 5 boys. Right now we are on target for 5 girls.

If you know me, you know I will be happy no matter the outcome of tomorrow's ultrasound. I simply want a beautiful healthy growing baby. I am so thankful that we are finally at this point in the pregnancy.

Until tomorrow.

No More Sippy Cups. No More Diapers.

It has been about 2 weeks since I washed a sippy cup. I know that we are not finished with sippy cups and that they will return when the baby is old enough for them, but it still makes me face a difficult reality.

My girls are growing up.

We are still working on potty training. Someone asked me the other day how long I potty trained Kaylee for and I told them it took a year. At least that is what it felt like. A year to be accident free. Elanor is much more stubborn than Kaylee (Didn't know that was possible!!!) and so some days she has only 1 accident. Other days, she refuses to go in the toilet even with all the rewards and bribes. It will be interesting to see how long it actually takes her to finally choose to consistently use the toilet. Either way, I feel like there will be a short amount of time before this baby arrives where our house is diaper free.

I am looking forward to going through it all one last time. With the mindset of firsts being lasts.

It is crazy to think that my girls are both almost to the point where they are independent little beings.

Before I know it, they will be fighting over clothes instead of Barbies.

13 Weeks

Today is the last day of the 1st trimester. That feels so good to say.

The idea of this shirt I, of course, got off of Pinterest. The girl that made it, made hers much easier since she had a cricut cutter. I used some 0-9 stencils and stenciled each number on individually with fabric paint. I mark the numbers off using a fabric marker that dries pretty fast. 

I really like doing something different for this pregnancy since it is such a special pregnancy to me. What are some things you like to do to document your pregnancies?

Pregnancy After Loss

Over the last two weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about the baby that we lost. It is surreal to think about the fact that in order for this baby to have life, my other baby had to die. This little one in my womb would have never been had my third baby survived.

Monday night I felt this baby move for the first time. This is the best feeling in the world, whether you have lost another child or not. If you ask any expecting mother what her favorite part about being pregnant, her answer will most likely be feeling the baby move. Monday night. For me. It was so much more. It was relief. Followed by longing of the baby I never felt move. Joy. And truly my first real sense of excitement about being pregnant again.

I know to some that may seem strange. But honestly this pregnancy is so different than my other pregnancies. Having never experienced pregnancy loss before, I looked at my other pregnancies as "when". Like when I am 12 weeks, I will finish this trimester. When I am 20 weeks, I should start showing. Losing our precious 3rd baby has made this an "if" pregnancy. If I make it to 12 weeks, my chances of miscarrying drop significantly. If I make it to 18 weeks, we get to find out what we are having. It is not intentional. I am not living in fear. Or worry. It just is how it is. It is just different.

A good way to describe it is that I am all of a sudden keenly aware that having a healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of a healthy baby is a HUGE MIRACLE!

Even more so since Kaylee is super fascinated by the baby. There are some videos on Babycenter.com that show the weeks of pregnancy and in them they explain the different parts of development that take place during those weeks. Kaylee will ask me to watch these over and over. And each time we watch them I am more and more amazed at the intricate way God knits us together in the womb. Seriously. A miracle.

Hopefully, over the next few months my view will change and this pregnancy will have it's "whens." But if not, I will continue to enjoy and celebrate each little moment of this baby's life. No matter how long his or her life is. This baby is a miracle and I love him or her with all of my heart.

Baby Update

So sorry it has taken me so long to post this. I have had several of you asking how my appointment went and I have been feeling so terrible that I have not made the time to sit down and write.

My appointment went great! The baby is measuring exactly as it should in relation to the ultrasound I had last week. I was amazed at how much bigger it was after just one week. Seriously, y'all, human life is such a miracle. The heartbeat was much stronger and faster than last week. For me this was a huge relief. Last week it had been a little slow and the ultrasound tech said that was normal for how small it was, but it freaked me out. So hearing it beat strong and fast made me tear up a bit in relief.

I must say this baby is taking everything out of me. Sleep does not come often enough. I could sleep all day and all night I think and still feel tired. I have also had some extreme nausea. I never thought it could be possible to feel more nauseated than when I was pregnant with Elanor without actually throwing-up, but OH YES! It is possible! I spend most days wanting to lay around and do absolutely nothing but hold on to a pillow and bucket. Let me be clear though.

I am so grateful for how I feel. I am not complaining to you here.

My being sick is a good sign.

It does, however, keep me from spending time on my blog.

With that being said, I hope all of you are doing well. I am going to go nap until the girls wake up.

Thank you for all the prayers. You all have made me feel so loved. Thank you.

The Baby's Heartbeat

Yesterday I was able to hear the prettiest sound in the whole world. 

My 4th baby's heartbeat.

Yes, reader, we are pregnant again. 

It is interesting because I am not not excited. But it is not the same excitement that I felt with my first 3 babies. And so far I haven't been overly anxious or stressed. Occasionally, anxiety has been creeping in, but God has been so gracious to offer me peace when I have asked for it. I cling to Philippians 4:6-7 which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." 

My appointment yesterday was a little disappointing because we found out I was not as far along as we thought. And that did bring about nervousness in the pit of my stomach. But I am truly at peace with whatever happens. God was with me when my other baby joined Him in Heaven and He is with me now as I carry this new little life inside of me.  He walks with me and I am trusting in Him completely.

We have another ultrasound next week to make sure that the baby is growing as it should. So thankful to hear that little heartbeat again so soon.