Saturday, December 29, 2012

A Week

A week ago I today I found out that I lost our 3rd baby.

It has been the hardest week of my life.

I think the most difficult part for me is how fresh and raw the pain is to me and not to anyone else. The baby was a part of me.

The pain and crying comes through out the day. During times when I least expect it. A simple word. A small thought. Little things that remind me of my loss.

I was so anxious to tell my family and my excitement for Christmas Eve and Christmas made the holidays themselves really difficult. (Sorry again for being cranky.)

It has helped to be with family, away from home. Lots of distractions and other people to keep me occupied and busy.

As our vacation comes to an end, I find myself getting nervous about the amount of time that I will be spending alone once we are home. At some point I will have to quit avoiding the pain and face it head on. And simply grieve.

Writing helps me process. And remember. So as I go through this, please bear with me.

"Those who sow in tears will reap with songs of joy." Psalms 126:5

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