Friday, December 20, 2013

One Year

A year ago today we lost our 3rd baby.

As I look at my Charlotte, I cannot fathom not ever knowing her. My heart overflows with delight and love for her. She stirs emotions in my heart that are at times overwhelming. A sense of overwhelming joy.  I have never given much thought to how Noah must have felt when that rainbow appeared until now.

Rain for 40 days and nights would be so tiring and depressing. I can barely make it through a week of rain before I start grumbling about it. And to go through all of that rain and finally set foot on dry land and see that beautiful rainbow break through the clouds... remarkable. A moment of sheer unspeakable joy. Now I know in Noah's case, it was literal rain, but for me life's storms and real storms both bring out the darkest emotions in me. And when that storm finally eases up. And the sunshine barely peeks out of the clouds just enough to present one of the most beautiful displays of color the world has ever seen. My heart soars knowing the storm has passed if just for a moment. One moment to breathe and thank God for such a beautiful moment.

That beautiful rainbow is my Charlotte.

And as I reflect on the storm. And the depth of pain and heartache that came with it. And remember my sweet baby that I will never see this side of eternity. I thank God for my little rainbow. The rainbow that would have never existed if I hadn't faced that storm.

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