Sunday, March 30, 2014

Little Old Me

Lately I have been seriously struggling with grief over losing sweet baby D. Yes, I know it has been over a year. Yes, I know I have my beautiful little Charlotte to love. Yes, I am grateful for each of my children. But there is a hole. A part of me missing.

My grief is also tied into my personal walk with God. The best way I have found to word how I feel, is actually from a song by Chris Brown called "Give Me Faith". I don't remember much about the song as a whole, but the chorus goes like this:
"Give me faith, to trust what you say, that you're good and your love is great.
I'm broken inside, I give you my life."
My struggle has been that I simply want to feel God's love. I know that my relationship with God is more than emotions and about having faith.  But in these moments. Where all I feel like doing is sobbing. And holding my heart out to God asking Him to mend the broken parts. Wanting so badly for Him to pull me into a hug and tell me He loves me. The emotion is what I yearn for. That feeling, that He cares about little old me.

I know He is good. I know His love is great. I need faith to trust in that. That that faith will be enough for me until He reveals His presence to me.

This is the song I mentioned, if you would like to take a listen:

1 comment:

  1. And I love you.
    And I hear you singing this song in my ear tonight.
    And tonight I sing with you.
    [though I sound more like a dying bird than an actual singer per say.]

    And I pray that God will give you the Love that you need this week.
    In a way in which you would know it came straight from Him.

    Love to you dear friend.


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