Over the last two weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about the baby that we lost. It is surreal to think about the fact that in order for this baby to have life, my other baby had to die. This little one in my womb would have never been had my third baby survived.
Monday night I felt this baby move for the first time. This is the best feeling in the world, whether you have lost another child or not. If you ask any expecting mother what her favorite part about being pregnant, her answer will most likely be feeling the baby move. Monday night. For me. It was so much more. It was relief. Followed by longing of the baby I never felt move. Joy. And truly my first real sense of excitement about being pregnant again.
I know to some that may seem strange. But honestly this pregnancy is so different than my other pregnancies. Having never experienced pregnancy loss before, I looked at my other pregnancies as "when". Like when I am 12 weeks, I will finish this trimester. When I am 20 weeks, I should start showing. Losing our precious 3rd baby has made this an "if" pregnancy. If I make it to 12 weeks, my chances of miscarrying drop significantly. If I make it to 18 weeks, we get to find out what we are having. It is not intentional. I am not living in fear. Or worry. It just is how it is. It is just different.
A good way to describe it is that I am all of a sudden keenly aware that having a healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of a healthy baby is a HUGE MIRACLE!
Even more so since Kaylee is super fascinated by the baby. There are some videos on Babycenter.com that show the weeks of pregnancy and in them they explain the different parts of development that take place during those weeks. Kaylee will ask me to watch these over and over. And each time we watch them I am more and more amazed at the intricate way God knits us together in the womb. Seriously. A miracle.
Hopefully, over the next few months my view will change and this pregnancy will have it's "whens." But if not, I will continue to enjoy and celebrate each little moment of this baby's life. No matter how long his or her life is. This baby is a miracle and I love him or her with all of my heart.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
My Love For Bridges
If you have ever been to my house or taken a trip with me, you would know that I love bridges. Covered bridges are my favorite, but I have a love for all bridges.
My love for bridges started when I was a little girl. My extended family has never been close by so we have always had to drive several hours to go see them. During these long drives, my Daddy would always point out the bridges to me when we were about to cross them. Now that I have kids of my own, I have a feeling it started out as a distraction method because I was probably being whiny or annoying. Either way it began there.
As I grew older, my love for bridges began to connect with my love for Jesus. And here is why.
I am a sinner.
Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".
Because of my sin, I cannot have a relationship with God through anything of my own doing. And my sin keeps me from God because God is holy.
Thankfully, God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins so that our relationship could be restored. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He desires to have a relationship with us and knew there was no possible way we could ever restore that relationship without someone paying the price for what we have done. So he sent His son to die for us. Sin's price is death. Romans 6:23 says, " For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Christ paid that price so that we can have life. What is our part? We only have to believe that that is the truth. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
My love for bridges started when I was a little girl. My extended family has never been close by so we have always had to drive several hours to go see them. During these long drives, my Daddy would always point out the bridges to me when we were about to cross them. Now that I have kids of my own, I have a feeling it started out as a distraction method because I was probably being whiny or annoying. Either way it began there.
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| Isn't this cool? |
As I grew older, my love for bridges began to connect with my love for Jesus. And here is why.
I am a sinner.
Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".
Because of my sin, I cannot have a relationship with God through anything of my own doing. And my sin keeps me from God because God is holy.
But here is the best part. My favorite part.
Thankfully, God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins so that our relationship could be restored. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He desires to have a relationship with us and knew there was no possible way we could ever restore that relationship without someone paying the price for what we have done. So he sent His son to die for us. Sin's price is death. Romans 6:23 says, " For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Christ paid that price so that we can have life. What is our part? We only have to believe that that is the truth. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
I started writing this blog over the Easter weekend because I was reminded that Christ paid the ultimate price for me. He became the bridge. What a precious gift.
If you have any questions, please email me. I would love to get the chance to share more about this with you.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Busy, Busy, Busy
My goodness. It has been so long since I have written a blog. I started writing a blog on Easter weekend is still sitting as a draft. Maybe I will finish it?
Here is a brief update on what has been going on here.
Easter weekend was really full with doing childcare at church, having my high school small group stay the night, and having Adam's family up for Easter dinner. It was a great weekend with some awesome people and yummy food.
Hopefully, the next few weeks will not find me as busy and I will finish the blog I started on Easter. We will see! Have a great week!
Here is a brief update on what has been going on here.
Easter weekend was really full with doing childcare at church, having my high school small group stay the night, and having Adam's family up for Easter dinner. It was a great weekend with some awesome people and yummy food.
Monday after Easter I drove up with the girls to my parent's house to spend the week. I met my best friend Meggan there with her kids. With 4 kids under 3 it was an exhausting week. It was so fun though! I loved seeing our children interact and get to know each other better. Plus, it was so nice to catch up and have deep conversations with Meggan in person rather than over the phone. We were able to just live life together for a week. We did playdates to different places and took naps when our kids did. I would do it again for sure!
Last week was packed full. I spent it unpacking, cleaning, catching up on some Dr. Who, meeting Yvonna (Katherine and Ryan's newest little darling), going to church, dinner with friends, and game day.
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