This morning I woke up to my name being yelled out by one of my girls. Now, let me start by saying that this is not the way to wake me up and my girls know it. If they are barfing, then they can holler. But if they have a bad dream or are scared about something, they are to come in and talk to me. That's the wake up in the middle of the night routine. So, all of that to say, I woke up pretty growly.
Ferociously, I enter Ella's room grumpily asking her why she is yelling across the house. She immediately responded with crying. (I know, mother of the year over here.) I took a deep breath and calmly asked her why she was yelling for me and why she was crying.
She then tells me that she had a terrible nightmare; a tornado came through our house and I died.
Now, the interesting thing about all of this, is that she doesn't know that my mom had a pet scan yesterday to check out a mass they found on a CT scan last week and I had spent the better part of yesterday praying that God would heal the mass and make it disappear or that it would be anything easily remedied and not more cancer. But ultimately, His will be done.
I looked her in the eyes and I said, "Ella, if that happened, two things would take place that I am certain of. One is that God would bring people to you to love on you and take care of you. People would come and hold you and tell you it will be ok. He will send them and they will be here in every way that you need them. And two I would be in Heaven with Jesus and since you believe in Jesus, I would see you again someday."
We talked a few more minutes through tears about the joy of eternity and then I went on to say the same things from my perspective.
"My mom is dying. When she does die, whether soon or ten years from now, I am certain that God will provide for me during my grief and that I will see her again some day. My mom has a personal relationship with God. She knows that Jesus died for her sins and that He rose again. She loves Him and serves Him with every fiber of her being and I am certain that when her time comes she will be in heaven with our Lord and Savior. She will no longer be in pain. She will no longer be suffering. And when that time comes, that will bring my heart joy in the midst of tragedy."
As I crawled back into my bed and contemplated this timely conversation with Ella, sleep eluded me. All the what if's started to plague my thoughts. I replayed my conversation with Ella and was at peace with what is to come. I prayed for a while and thought about the words to the song "It is Well" by Bethel music until sleep finally came.
Ferociously, I enter Ella's room grumpily asking her why she is yelling across the house. She immediately responded with crying. (I know, mother of the year over here.) I took a deep breath and calmly asked her why she was yelling for me and why she was crying.
She then tells me that she had a terrible nightmare; a tornado came through our house and I died.
Now, the interesting thing about all of this, is that she doesn't know that my mom had a pet scan yesterday to check out a mass they found on a CT scan last week and I had spent the better part of yesterday praying that God would heal the mass and make it disappear or that it would be anything easily remedied and not more cancer. But ultimately, His will be done.
I looked her in the eyes and I said, "Ella, if that happened, two things would take place that I am certain of. One is that God would bring people to you to love on you and take care of you. People would come and hold you and tell you it will be ok. He will send them and they will be here in every way that you need them. And two I would be in Heaven with Jesus and since you believe in Jesus, I would see you again someday."
We talked a few more minutes through tears about the joy of eternity and then I went on to say the same things from my perspective.
"My mom is dying. When she does die, whether soon or ten years from now, I am certain that God will provide for me during my grief and that I will see her again some day. My mom has a personal relationship with God. She knows that Jesus died for her sins and that He rose again. She loves Him and serves Him with every fiber of her being and I am certain that when her time comes she will be in heaven with our Lord and Savior. She will no longer be in pain. She will no longer be suffering. And when that time comes, that will bring my heart joy in the midst of tragedy."
