Faith In Turbulent Times

These past 4 weeks we have been doing a Bible study on faith during turbulent times. I feel as though I learned so much. It felt good to be back in the word, digging into what is meant.

It feels good to see my faith where it is now. To be going through this stuff with my parents and to truly rely on God. Especially looking back to the last few years. Seeing where I was. Deeply wounded and hurt and out of desperation seeking God and questioning His very existence.  To now. Once again feeling loss and heartache with my Momma's diagnosis. Only now, I rely on His existence. The hope He offers me. It doesn't change the anguish that I feel over knowing that my time with my Momma is precious. But this life here is not my eternal home. It's temporary. Praise the Lord.

This study was such a great reminder to me that God is with me. He was with me back in October and November when we found out the cancer had returned. He is with me even now as I tear up and write this. He is with me in the future when our time together here does end.

It also reminded me that my eyes should be focused on Jesus. By fixing my eyes on Him I am able to endure and persevere no matter what my circumstances are.

And faith isn't just believing. It involves action. It's actively believing. It's the inward assurance of what we hope for and the outward action in response to what we do not see. Faith is confidently expecting our Heavenly Father to do what He promised.

John 16:33 is the promise I cling to.

It says,  “I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.”

What great encouragement! He has overcome the world.

Healthy Living, Cancer, Scentsy, Grandma, Garages, Birthdays, Sports, Games and Diapers

I don't know how things are going for you, but life here seems busier than ever.

The other day I was thinking about how much I miss all of you. Thoughts of what to tell you run through my mind, but making time to sit down and share them has not been an option until today.

So, get your cup of coffee, find a comfy spot on the couch and let's catch up.

If you follow me on facebook at all, you may have seen that I recently started selling Scentsy. For those of you that have no clue what Scentsy is, it is a home fragrance line. We have everything from wax warmers to dish soap. In Septemberish of last year I had attended a party and learned of Scentsy. I had been using some plug-ins to make my house smell good for a while and was getting frustrated because the one scent that I liked, I could only find at Kroger occasionally. So, when I found several fragrances from Scentsy, I had to switch! In February, I decided to join the Scentsy team. It's been super fun so far. I have been extremely happy with the products as well as the customer support. Here is my website if you want to check it out.

Join me!

Through Scentsy, I found my healthy living motivation. Pretty much since August I have struggled once again with eating right and being active. Laziness is definitely a sin issue for me that I know the Lord is constantly chiseling away at. Molding and growing. In January, along with everyone else in the world, I made resolutions to get back at it and have failed miserably off and on since then. At the beginning of March, I received an email about Scentsy's Health Challenge and I knew I had to sign-up to participate. It started this week and I am dying. Haha. The hardest part is drinking 64 ounces of water every day. Before this week, I drank coffee and about 0 ounces of water. Yikes! So with 4 days in, I am feeling more motivated and that is such a great feeling. Onward! Oh and I signed up for my first race of the year which is in June. :)

Adam's game is officially in game stores. It's be so great to see him light up when sharing his game with others and hearing about people playing it. I still cannot beat him in a two-player game and when I do I will never play two-player again. Ha. You can check out more info here if you would like.

Other things going on here. Adam's sweet grandma has been in rehab so the girls and I have made efforts to see her every other week. It is such a delightful visit. The girls talk her ears off and it's even more so now that Charlotte has joined in.

Homeschooling has been going well for the most part. Kaylee is reading non-stop and loving it which makes me super excited! We have the occasional melt-down which can make some days hard. Overall though, I would say this year has gone well.

Kaylee just finished up her first season of basketball. It was awesome to see her make progress and to cheer her team on. I loved it and so did she. I am looking forward to her playing again.

Her ball goes in here. :)

Elanor just turned 5. She had a Barbie fashion party. My sister-in-law's, Grace and Kati, helped me give the girls makeovers and then they put dress-up clothes on and walked the runway. It was so cute! I think fun was had by all.

Charlotte has been spending a lot of her time running around naked lately. She may be ready to be potty trained, but I am not. Mainly because it requires being home for several days in a row and I just don't have that right now. Maybe once co-op is done. I am also not sure if I am ready for her to officially be out of the baby stage. It's hard to say that that phase in my life is done. I'll get there. Until then duct tape is the only way to keep her diaper on at bed time. There has been a time or two that even that didn't work.

Doesn't this look fun?

My momma has been having a rough go at things. The medications have all been messing with her leaving her weak and making it impossible for her to get around. I know a lot of you have been praying for her. Thank you for that. I get to go visit and help after her next chemo treatment which is this Thursday. Even though it is not a vacation visit of sorts, I am looking forward to being able to hug her and my dad. I hate living states away and not being able to help more often. Adam, friends, and family will have the girls while I am away. Please pray that my girls will be so good for everyone watching them. Thanks to all for helping.

Our garage. We were finally having one put on. It is so close to being done. It's been hard to park with all the construction going on, but I am excited to be able to park inside again. Especially on rainy days like today.

Beginning stages.

Softball for the girls and for Adam starts soon. In the meantime, I am enjoying the brief break from sports.

That catches you up on things here for the most part. How have you been? Anything new? I am so behind on everyone else's life. So, tell me. How are things? I hope you are doing well.

Birthdays

Adam was teasing me the other day about my need to make birthdays a big deal.  Today as I was making Elanor's birthday invitations that conversation played over in my head.

I'm sure some of my desire comes from the fact that my birthday comes right after Christmas. I like to pick on my parents about all of my birthday cards being belated ones. My birthday was/is hard to remember. I mean we did just celebrate Jesus so I totally get it. He definitely deserves the bigger bash.

But I think the bigger deal for me is the reality that life is short. People don't live forever here. During the ho hum day-to-day it is easy to take the people around you for granted. Holidays like Valentine's Day and Father's Day remind us to remember that we care for the people in our lives. Sure Adam tells me he loves me. But on Valentine's Day and our anniversary, he has to really think about it. Why does he love me? What does he love about me? And then he tells me.

This is why birthdays are extra special to me. As Ella is about to turn 5, I truly think on the things that make her unique and all of the reasons I love her. And so we celebrate. We will have family and a few friends over. We will eat cake and ice cream. She will feel loved and cared about. Truly celebrated on her birthday.

And for me, well, I will remember. And be grateful for another year under my parenting belt.

Looking Back and Looking Forward

2015 was a mostly focused year. Moving was not a part of the original plan when the year began and so it was difficult to pack and move and keep up with my resolutions as a whole. As I look ahead to 2016, I am ready to jump back in with fresh hope that I can persevere.

After reading my resolutions from last year, there aren't really any that I want to change. I think I would like to be healthier both spiritually and physically and simpl continue to work towards those.

This fall, I enjoyed the Bible Study I was in by Linda Dillow. It was such a good study and challenged me beyond any other study that I have done. It was so practical and helpful. I hope that I can experience this kind of personal growth again this year.

Health wise, I would love to run at least 3 5k's. They are good goals to keep me focused. I would also like to figure out how to mix in the 21 day fix exercises so that I can also gain muscle in the process.

As 2016 approaches, what are some of your goals for the year? 

Craziness and Community

These last couple of months have been super crazy. It started around the time the buyer's of our home wanted to move the closing date up by a week. That was the same day that I found out my momma's cancer was back. The very next weekend was when the head gasket on our 15 year old van decided to go. When I was co-leading our women's retreat. The weekend after the retreat we moved. A week after we moved in, our heat went out in our (new to us) house and the HSA couldn't get someone out for a couple of days. The next week we replaced our van. And then our heat went out again this past weekend.

I tell you all of that, not to say "woe is me." Or to have you feel sorry for me. I tell you all of that to give glory to God for the amazing body of believers that He has given us to walk through carry us through the craziness.

When the buyer's moved our closing date up, 3 of my friends came over and helped pack us up. They got more packed that night than I could have done in a week by myself.

When my momma called with her news, one of my friends called me immediately to check-in to see how I was doing and stayed on the phone with me while I blubbered through the news. What a patient friend. This friend called and checked on me multiple days following that one. My husband left work early to come hold me even when I didn't ask him to. He sat there next to me while I sat in shock avoiding the subject. And later when the emotion overflowed, he held me and let me soak his shirt with my tears. What a man! Other friends have been great at texting, praying, and asking me how things are going. Not minding that my answer isn't "fine." One friend gave me a super cute pillow to hold whenever I need to just sit and cry. It totally matches my bedroom, too. A couple of other friends have hired a photographer to come take pictures of my family when we are all together for Christmas. What an amazing gift! Other family and friends have offered to buy plane tickets or offer points to fly so I can go be with my family. So overwhelmed by their generosity! When I couldn't be with my momma and daddy for the official news, my grandparents spent several days with them to keep them company while my dad waited. And they continue to be available to my parents when they need them.

When our head gasket blew on our van, we had family step in and offer us their cars until we could research and find a new one after we moved. Totally saw God's hand in this provision.

When I was at the women's retreat, friends showered me with some yummy treats and also with fun memories. What a great time to get away and shift my focus back on Jesus. When I got home, I was able to enjoy a date with my husband because family had taken the girls for the day.

When we moved, family watched our girls the whole weekend so that we could move without them underfoot. We had lots of friends come and help us move. Some came even if they were only available for a short bit. And others stayed for the whole day. All of the friends that helped also have families that were spending the day without them. What amazing friends to give up their family time as well as their Saturday to help us. Also, the weekend we moved was a gorgeous weekend. Hoodie weather. (The weekend we were to originally move on ended up being snowy, rainy, and icy all day long. Thanks Lord!) Several friends provided dinner during this week leading up to the move which was wonderful because I was able to have the kitchen packed up. Another friend came and helped me clean the night before the move. And a few friends helped take a few loads over that night before. One family member came and cleaned my new house for several hours on two separate occasions! It was a huge help!

When our heat went out, friends offered their heater to us if we wanted it. Family gave us fire wood for our fire place.

When we went to get our van, family watched the older two girls, making our test-drive much easier.

I am so very thankful to be a part of a community that picks us up when we are absolutely defeated and have nothing left to give. These last few years, God has definitely made it so clear to Adam and I that we need this community that we find in Him. His love overflows from His people.

Processing.

A few weeks ago, my momma called to tell me that her cancer had returned. Maybe it wasn't that long ago. But it feels that long.

Her breast cancer has returned in her liver, her lungs, and her lymph nodes. Metastatic breast cancer. Now there is something you don't want to google.

Words simply cannot express my heartache.

My heart aches for my momma. Who is in a lot of pain. And is about to face one the toughest monsters on earth and try to beat it for the rest of her life. (No pressure or anything, mom, but I am rooting for that whole 32 years thing that you were saying about that one lady.)

My heart aches for my daddy. Who will stand by and hold my momma's hand as she faces the monster. Knowing that his days with the love of his life are numbered.

My heart aches for my girls. Who will only get a limited amount of time knowing their awesome nana.

My heart aches for me. Because, really, who am I going to call when I need paint colors? Or to give me advice? Or to just call and talk to about how we both hate talking on the phone?

The reality is that God could heal my mom. He is the only one who could.

But even if He chooses not to. I praise Him. Because I know that my momma still has some time. Not enough. But time nonetheless. And I am so thankful for that.

Guys, my mom is pretty great. Growing up, she would jump on beds with us and make us laugh like no other. Even hide to scare me so that I would stop scaring my brother. (I may or may not have been 17 at this point.What can I say? I still love scaring Michael.) She cooks some of the world's best food. (I mean I am seriously bummed that I didn't get any of her pie today!) She taught me the most important parts of being a mom and a wife. (Especially balancing family life while keeping the house clean.) And how to be a really good friend. (Relationships require give and take.) And I would not be who I am today if it were not for her.

I love you momma.

Cherished Moment

Last night Charlotte couldn't sleep because she was super congested. I went in her room about 4 times over an hour before deciding to hold her on my chest in the recliner and let her sleep on me.

I hardly got any sleep. But at around 7 she woke up and we moved to the couch. She laid next to me with her chubby fingers and kept stroking my cheek and playing with my hair.

She's two.

I am not sure how many more times she will do this. Or how many more times she will sleep on my chest.

So I cherish these things in my heart. No sleep and all.