Over the last two weeks I have spent a lot of time thinking about the baby that we lost. It is surreal to think about the fact that in order for this baby to have life, my other baby had to die. This little one in my womb would have never been had my third baby survived.
Monday night I felt this baby move for the first time. This is the best feeling in the world, whether you have lost another child or not. If you ask any expecting mother what her favorite part about being pregnant, her answer will most likely be feeling the baby move. Monday night. For me. It was so much more. It was relief. Followed by longing of the baby I never felt move. Joy. And truly my first real sense of excitement about being pregnant again.
I know to some that may seem strange. But honestly this pregnancy is so different than my other pregnancies. Having never experienced pregnancy loss before, I looked at my other pregnancies as "when". Like when I am 12 weeks, I will finish this trimester. When I am 20 weeks, I should start showing. Losing our precious 3rd baby has made this an "if" pregnancy. If I make it to 12 weeks, my chances of miscarrying drop significantly. If I make it to 18 weeks, we get to find out what we are having. It is not intentional. I am not living in fear. Or worry. It just is how it is. It is just different.
A good way to describe it is that I am all of a sudden keenly aware that having a healthy pregnancy resulting in the birth of a healthy baby is a HUGE MIRACLE!
Even more so since Kaylee is super fascinated by the baby. There are some videos on Babycenter.com that show the weeks of pregnancy and in them they explain the different parts of development that take place during those weeks. Kaylee will ask me to watch these over and over. And each time we watch them I am more and more amazed at the intricate way God knits us together in the womb. Seriously. A miracle.
Hopefully, over the next few months my view will change and this pregnancy will have it's "whens." But if not, I will continue to enjoy and celebrate each little moment of this baby's life. No matter how long his or her life is. This baby is a miracle and I love him or her with all of my heart.
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
My Love For Bridges
If you have ever been to my house or taken a trip with me, you would know that I love bridges. Covered bridges are my favorite, but I have a love for all bridges.
My love for bridges started when I was a little girl. My extended family has never been close by so we have always had to drive several hours to go see them. During these long drives, my Daddy would always point out the bridges to me when we were about to cross them. Now that I have kids of my own, I have a feeling it started out as a distraction method because I was probably being whiny or annoying. Either way it began there.
As I grew older, my love for bridges began to connect with my love for Jesus. And here is why.
I am a sinner.
Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".
Because of my sin, I cannot have a relationship with God through anything of my own doing. And my sin keeps me from God because God is holy.
Thankfully, God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins so that our relationship could be restored. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He desires to have a relationship with us and knew there was no possible way we could ever restore that relationship without someone paying the price for what we have done. So he sent His son to die for us. Sin's price is death. Romans 6:23 says, " For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Christ paid that price so that we can have life. What is our part? We only have to believe that that is the truth. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
My love for bridges started when I was a little girl. My extended family has never been close by so we have always had to drive several hours to go see them. During these long drives, my Daddy would always point out the bridges to me when we were about to cross them. Now that I have kids of my own, I have a feeling it started out as a distraction method because I was probably being whiny or annoying. Either way it began there.
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| Isn't this cool? |
As I grew older, my love for bridges began to connect with my love for Jesus. And here is why.
I am a sinner.
Romans 3:23 says, "for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God".
Because of my sin, I cannot have a relationship with God through anything of my own doing. And my sin keeps me from God because God is holy.
But here is the best part. My favorite part.
Thankfully, God sent His son Jesus to die on the cross for my sins so that our relationship could be restored. Romans 5:8 says, "But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us." He desires to have a relationship with us and knew there was no possible way we could ever restore that relationship without someone paying the price for what we have done. So he sent His son to die for us. Sin's price is death. Romans 6:23 says, " For the wages of sin is death, but the gift of God is eternal life in Christ Jesus our Lord." Christ paid that price so that we can have life. What is our part? We only have to believe that that is the truth. John 3:16 says, "For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life."
I started writing this blog over the Easter weekend because I was reminded that Christ paid the ultimate price for me. He became the bridge. What a precious gift.
If you have any questions, please email me. I would love to get the chance to share more about this with you.
Monday, April 15, 2013
Busy, Busy, Busy
My goodness. It has been so long since I have written a blog. I started writing a blog on Easter weekend is still sitting as a draft. Maybe I will finish it?
Here is a brief update on what has been going on here.
Easter weekend was really full with doing childcare at church, having my high school small group stay the night, and having Adam's family up for Easter dinner. It was a great weekend with some awesome people and yummy food.
Hopefully, the next few weeks will not find me as busy and I will finish the blog I started on Easter. We will see! Have a great week!
Here is a brief update on what has been going on here.
Easter weekend was really full with doing childcare at church, having my high school small group stay the night, and having Adam's family up for Easter dinner. It was a great weekend with some awesome people and yummy food.
Monday after Easter I drove up with the girls to my parent's house to spend the week. I met my best friend Meggan there with her kids. With 4 kids under 3 it was an exhausting week. It was so fun though! I loved seeing our children interact and get to know each other better. Plus, it was so nice to catch up and have deep conversations with Meggan in person rather than over the phone. We were able to just live life together for a week. We did playdates to different places and took naps when our kids did. I would do it again for sure!
Last week was packed full. I spent it unpacking, cleaning, catching up on some Dr. Who, meeting Yvonna (Katherine and Ryan's newest little darling), going to church, dinner with friends, and game day.
Tuesday, March 26, 2013
Baby Update
So sorry it has taken me so long to post this. I have had several of you asking how my appointment went and I have been feeling so terrible that I have not made the time to sit down and write.
My appointment went great! The baby is measuring exactly as it should in relation to the ultrasound I had last week. I was amazed at how much bigger it was after just one week. Seriously, y'all, human life is such a miracle. The heartbeat was much stronger and faster than last week. For me this was a huge relief. Last week it had been a little slow and the ultrasound tech said that was normal for how small it was, but it freaked me out. So hearing it beat strong and fast made me tear up a bit in relief.
I must say this baby is taking everything out of me. Sleep does not come often enough. I could sleep all day and all night I think and still feel tired. I have also had some extreme nausea. I never thought it could be possible to feel more nauseated than when I was pregnant with Elanor without actually throwing-up, but OH YES! It is possible! I spend most days wanting to lay around and do absolutely nothing but hold on to a pillow and bucket. Let me be clear though.
I am so grateful for how I feel. I am not complaining to you here.
My being sick is a good sign.
It does, however, keep me from spending time on my blog.
With that being said, I hope all of you are doing well. I am going to go nap until the girls wake up.
Thank you for all the prayers. You all have made me feel so loved. Thank you.
My appointment went great! The baby is measuring exactly as it should in relation to the ultrasound I had last week. I was amazed at how much bigger it was after just one week. Seriously, y'all, human life is such a miracle. The heartbeat was much stronger and faster than last week. For me this was a huge relief. Last week it had been a little slow and the ultrasound tech said that was normal for how small it was, but it freaked me out. So hearing it beat strong and fast made me tear up a bit in relief.
I must say this baby is taking everything out of me. Sleep does not come often enough. I could sleep all day and all night I think and still feel tired. I have also had some extreme nausea. I never thought it could be possible to feel more nauseated than when I was pregnant with Elanor without actually throwing-up, but OH YES! It is possible! I spend most days wanting to lay around and do absolutely nothing but hold on to a pillow and bucket. Let me be clear though.
I am so grateful for how I feel. I am not complaining to you here.
My being sick is a good sign.
It does, however, keep me from spending time on my blog.
With that being said, I hope all of you are doing well. I am going to go nap until the girls wake up.
Thank you for all the prayers. You all have made me feel so loved. Thank you.
Saturday, March 16, 2013
The Baby's Heartbeat
Yesterday I was able to hear the prettiest sound in the whole world.
My 4th baby's heartbeat.
Yes, reader, we are pregnant again.
It is interesting because I am not not excited. But it is not the same excitement that I felt with my first 3 babies. And so far I haven't been overly anxious or stressed. Occasionally, anxiety has been creeping in, but God has been so gracious to offer me peace when I have asked for it. I cling to Philippians 4:6-7 which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
My appointment yesterday was a little disappointing because we found out I was not as far along as we thought. And that did bring about nervousness in the pit of my stomach. But I am truly at peace with whatever happens. God was with me when my other baby joined Him in Heaven and He is with me now as I carry this new little life inside of me. He walks with me and I am trusting in Him completely.
We have another ultrasound next week to make sure that the baby is growing as it should. So thankful to hear that little heartbeat again so soon.
My 4th baby's heartbeat.
Yes, reader, we are pregnant again.
It is interesting because I am not not excited. But it is not the same excitement that I felt with my first 3 babies. And so far I haven't been overly anxious or stressed. Occasionally, anxiety has been creeping in, but God has been so gracious to offer me peace when I have asked for it. I cling to Philippians 4:6-7 which says, "Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."
My appointment yesterday was a little disappointing because we found out I was not as far along as we thought. And that did bring about nervousness in the pit of my stomach. But I am truly at peace with whatever happens. God was with me when my other baby joined Him in Heaven and He is with me now as I carry this new little life inside of me. He walks with me and I am trusting in Him completely.
We have another ultrasound next week to make sure that the baby is growing as it should. So thankful to hear that little heartbeat again so soon.
Thursday, March 14, 2013
30 Day Shred: Complete!
Over these last couple of weeks I did finish my 30 Days of the 30 Day Shred and I was super pleased with the results. I didn't lose as much weight as I would have liked, but honestly I see such a huge difference in my body I don't really care that my number didn't go down more. I feel better in my own skin and that is what matters to me.
Final Results:
Butt -3 inches
Hips -4 and a 1/2 inches
Waist -6 inches
Thighs -5 and a 1/2 inches
Neck -1 and 1/2 inches
Weight -3 pounds
I am hoping to continue the Shred. It works and since there are 3 levels, I can rotate them in and out. I won't be committing another 30 days straight any time soon, but I want to keep working out 3-4 times a week to help maintain where I am at and hopefully continue to gain muscle.
Final Results:
Butt -3 inches
Hips -4 and a 1/2 inches
Waist -6 inches
Thighs -5 and a 1/2 inches
Neck -1 and 1/2 inches
Weight -3 pounds
I am hoping to continue the Shred. It works and since there are 3 levels, I can rotate them in and out. I won't be committing another 30 days straight any time soon, but I want to keep working out 3-4 times a week to help maintain where I am at and hopefully continue to gain muscle.
Crazy Days
Things have been super crazy busy here and so I apologize for my absence. I am here. We just have had a lot going on.
The main reason is that Adam has been spending most of his time working on our 6th annual IndyCon. He spent countless hours working on the website and emailing/calling companies to support the convention. He worked hard and his hard work paid off. The weekend was a huge success.
Over the weekend I played Tzolk'in the Mayan Calendar Game, Lifeboats, Endeavor twice, Pillars of the Earth twice, Trajan, Traders of Carthage,Wits and Wagers, Crokinole, Le Havre, Guild Hall, Tichu, Bora, Bora and Ticket to Ride Africa.
Personally, this year was by far my favorite year. I played lots of different games with lots of different people. I taught several games to other people. But I must say that the best part of the weekend.... well I am torn between two events... The first one is when Anna, Annie, Laura and I came back and won the Wits and Wagers Tournament all on the last question. The second one is when Annie and I both had grand tichu's during our Tichu game. Both things were super fun and exciting, making the weekend a blast for me.
Already looking forward to next year!
The main reason is that Adam has been spending most of his time working on our 6th annual IndyCon. He spent countless hours working on the website and emailing/calling companies to support the convention. He worked hard and his hard work paid off. The weekend was a huge success.
Over the weekend I played Tzolk'in the Mayan Calendar Game, Lifeboats, Endeavor twice, Pillars of the Earth twice, Trajan, Traders of Carthage,Wits and Wagers, Crokinole, Le Havre, Guild Hall, Tichu, Bora, Bora and Ticket to Ride Africa.
Personally, this year was by far my favorite year. I played lots of different games with lots of different people. I taught several games to other people. But I must say that the best part of the weekend.... well I am torn between two events... The first one is when Anna, Annie, Laura and I came back and won the Wits and Wagers Tournament all on the last question. The second one is when Annie and I both had grand tichu's during our Tichu game. Both things were super fun and exciting, making the weekend a blast for me.
Already looking forward to next year!
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