Jammie Church

Over the last year, I have fallen in love with corporate worship.

For months, we had lazy Sundays of jammie church and coffee.

Honestly, I wasn't sure I wanted to break that trend when our church announced that it would be opening it's doors again.

Sundays had become a routine. 

We would watch the sermon and maybe sing a song.

When I signed up for church the first week that we could attend and I stood with the smaller congregation and listened to the singing of others around me, I sobbed like a baby.

We are meant to worship together. To do church together.

Hearing other sing, even with muffled voices thanks to the masks. 

I knew I needed to be there.

I know I need to be there. With you.

God has been revealing Himself to me this year. I want more and more of Him. I am thankful for those in my life who are seeking Him, pursuing Him with me. I love the church.

Just Felt Like Writing

Today is one of those days when I want to be creative.

My list of things that I need to get done is quite long, but I want to... long to do anything with some creativity. I want to paint. It's a new hobby to my blog as it is something I only started a few years ago and I don't think I have ever written about it. Yet I found myself sitting down to write instead. Toying with topics and things to write about. Deciding that I really do not have much to write about, but starting this blog anyway. 

Since the shelter in place, I have taken on making homemade pizza on Friday nights. Since today is Friday, that has been my top priority for the day. Getting the dough made so that we can have pizza for dinner. I enjoy the process for the most part.

The last two days I have been trying to memorize a verse for my discipleship group. I hate to say this, but I have not tried to memorize Scripture since right after Kaylee was born. I deemed myself terrible at it and stopped trying. Having a little tune to sing while memorizing is a huge help and I am extremely thankful for it. 

The itch to paint is still pulling at me. I think I will try my hand at something small before the dough is done rising. 

Do you have anything new that you started doing thanks to the shelter in place? Or a hobby that you wish you had more time for? Or a trick to memorizing Scripture? 

Happy Friday!

A Lifelong Love

You guys. This book.

I am on my 3rd time of listening to it. Why? Because once wasn't enough. The lessons in this book are overwhelming. Gary Thomas guides you through concepts driven by Scripture. Every time I listen, my heart aches at my own selfishness and forgetfulness. How is it possible that I forget so quickly the things that God has shown me through His word and through this book? 

My marriage is not for my or Adam's glory. Adam is not my husband to please and fill all my needs. We are married to bring glory to God. Adam is God's son and with that the question that rings in my head is "if one of my girls married a man that treated her how I treat Adam (both mentally and out loud), would I be pleased with him? In the same way, is God pleased with how I treat His son?" I am in this marriage to worship and please my Savior by the way I love Adam and meet his needs.

How often do I make our marriage about me? 

I started this particular blog two years ago. This is still a book that I read over and over again two years later. Probably the best marriage book I have ever read. It's not a practical tips book. It is going to give me hints on what to do to make Adam happy. This book gets to the heart of the issue. My personal relationship with my Savior. This relationship effects all other relationships, especially my relationship with Adam. If I am not seeking God and His desires for who I am, then I am seeking to serve myself. It's unfortunately my natural inclination. This book is great at reminding me what is truly important about our marriage and leading me to my Bible to seek God when it comes to this relationship. 

This book recommendation came from my brother. Thanks Michael.

Valuable

Being of value has been on my mind a lot lately.

We try to find our value in so many things. Our looks. Our careers. Our relationships.

It is one of my deepest struggles. 

I know my value is found in the Lord. But knowing and hiding it in my heart to dwell on are two very different things. 

Recently our pastor was preaching on Isaiah 43. My takeaway had nothing to do with what he was preaching about and everything to do with the passage.

He has redeemed me. He has summoned me by name. I am His. He is with me through waters, rivers and fire. He is the Lord my God. My Savior. I am precious and honored in His sight. He loves me. He is with me. I have been called, created, formed and made for His glory. 

This passage applies to me through Jesus and I must dwell on it. 

My value is found in Him and Him alone. 

Everything here is so fleeting. Temporary.

Yet my heart sways and follows the temporary.

May this be an area that I grow in this year. 

That I would see myself as who I am in Christ more and more each day.

Nightmare

This morning I woke up to my name being yelled out by one of my girls. Now, let me start by saying that this is not the way to wake me up and my girls know it. If they are barfing, then they can holler. But if they have a bad dream or are scared about something, they are to come in and talk to me. That's the wake up in the middle of the night routine. So, all of that to say, I woke up pretty growly.

Ferociously, I enter Ella's room grumpily asking her why she is yelling across the house. She immediately responded with crying. (I know, mother of the year over here.) I took a deep breath and calmly asked her why she was yelling for me and why she was crying.

She then tells me that she had a terrible nightmare; a tornado came through our house and I died.

Now, the interesting thing about all of this, is that she doesn't know that my mom had a pet scan yesterday to check out a mass they found on a CT scan last week and I had spent the better part of yesterday praying that God would heal the mass and make it disappear or that it would be anything easily remedied and not more cancer. But ultimately, His will be done.

I looked her in the eyes and I said, "Ella, if that happened, two things would take place that I am certain of. One is that God would bring people to you to love on you and take care of you. People would come and hold you and tell you it will be ok. He will send them and they will be here in every way that you need them. And two I would be in Heaven with Jesus and since you believe in Jesus, I would see you again someday."

We talked a few more minutes through tears about the joy of eternity and then I went on to say the same things from my perspective.

"My mom is dying. When she does die, whether soon or ten years from now, I am certain that God will provide for me during my grief and that I will see her again some day. My mom has a personal relationship with God. She knows that Jesus died for her sins and that He rose again. She loves Him and serves Him with every fiber of her being and I am certain that when her time comes she will be in heaven with our Lord and Savior. She will no longer be in pain. She will no longer be suffering. And when that time comes, that will bring my heart joy in the midst of tragedy."

As I crawled back into my bed and contemplated this timely conversation with Ella, sleep eluded me. All the what if's started to plague my thoughts. I replayed my conversation with Ella and was at peace with what is to come. I prayed for a while and thought about the words to the song "It is Well" by Bethel music until sleep finally came.

Skillet

The other night I had the opportunity to go to a Skillet concert.

I love Skillet. One of the first songs that I ever listened to by them was Saturn.

That song came out in October of 1996. I was 13.

Pretty sure I am 17 here.

They played mostly new songs at the concert. I would have loved for them to pull out this song. (Totally forgot that they had a girl drummer one other time!) Or even better, come up with a mix that included a few oldies. That would have been amazing.

Their newest album is incredible. A great mix of old sounds and new. Charlotte asks for "Feel It" pretty much every time we are in the car. The name of that song is actually "Invincible", but that's what she calls it. I love sharing my love for Skillet with my girls.

Labor Day

We have an annual tradition on Labor Day weekend every year. Adam's extended family does a badminton tournament on the Sunday of Labor Day. There is usually a ton of food.

And that is not including the dessert table. There is lots of people and lots of fun.

Adam was in his zone. He loves running events.

Adam and Ryan won for their 14th time.

After the tournament is over, we have the Shelton's come and stay the night for lots of gaming and fun. It is a super enjoyable time for everyone, including the kids. This tradition is one of my favorite parts of the fall season.