Monday, September 27, 2010

Top 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife

Adam always asks me, "What do you want me to do?"

At the moment he asks me, I am usually upset or frustrated and unsure of what to say.  Not because I don't know what I want, but because it is at that awkward moment where telling him what I want makes it no longer romantic.  Then, it seems to feel forced.

Most women have a beautiful fantasy of romance.  At least I do.  I immediately think of flickering candlelight and sweet smelling roses in my favorite color.  (Maybe even elegant violin music in the background.)   I am a sap, I know.

After much thought, I figured that most men don't have this fantasy and they probably have NO idea of what this fantasy looks like or where it came from.  They think romance and think kissing you.  (Which is a part of it, but that can't just be it.)

So here are my own personal 

Top 10 Ways to Romance Your Wife (or for my husband - Me)

1. Bringing home flowers - It's always a good idea. They don't have to come in large quantities or be the most expensive, but don't ever bring carnations.  They scream cheap and funeral all at once. (Unless this happens to be your wife's favorite flower. If so, then have at it. It isn't mine.)  Also, you can't just bring home the flowers, throw them at her, and expect her to fall over weeping at your feet with gratitude (even though she is grateful).  A good way to bring home flowers is to walk in and hand them to her and tell her something like, "I couldn't stop thinking of you all day." or "I wanted you to know that I am so grateful for everything you do."  Then, ask her about her day and spend 5-10 minutes talking with her before continuing your after work habits.  I am not talking an hour question and answer time. Just 10 minutes to focus on her right after handing her the flowers.

2.  Write her a note or poem - It's free!  It doesn't have to be a book.  Just a little note telling your wife that you love her and cherish her.  Remind her that she is the one that you chose and still choose.  Don't hand it to her and walk away.  Sit down with her and offer to read it to her or hold her as she reads it.  Then, it is a special moment for you as well because you can capture her facial expressions with each word.

3.  Have a candlelit dinner - Switch things up.  It doesn't even have to be some special meal that took hours to make or maybe your wife made it.  Just add candles to the table and make dinner more intimate.  I know at our house we eat dinner with Kaylee and I think that it is fine if the kids are there.  I think it makes it even better. Your kids get to see what romance looks like and see that their parents are in love even this many years into their marriage.  After dinner, help clean up.

4.  Tell her she is beautiful at least once a day - She needs to hear it.  I don't know about every other woman on the planet, but I do know that I struggle with my personal appearance.  If I spent the whole day feeling ugly, then I am not going to feel any different once I see Adam.  To be completely honest if you don't feel pretty, you don't want to be in anything but your sweats.  So, if you want more than sweats, tell your wife daily that you think she is beautiful.  (Try to do it when you are out of arm's reach that way she doesn't think you are saying it with an ulterior motive.)

5.  Dance with her - It relieves stress!  Wait until the kids go to bed.  Turn on some music and dance.  Maybe even light some candles. This is one those "sweet nothings" come in handy.  Whisper your love for her in her ear during a slow song.  Make her laugh by being goofy during a fast song.  Have fun!

6.  Play with her hair - She styles it the way you like it.  I don't mean pet your wife.  Just touch her hair.  Maybe push it behind your ear while you are talking to her.  Run your fingers softly through her hair while you are watching a movie.  It screams intimate.  It shows her that you are devoting all of your attention to her.

7.  Rub her back - You know you like it when she gives you one.  She feels the same way.  The difference is that she most likely will see it as romantic.  Let me clarify.  She comes in from a long day and you offer to rub her back. She will be completely surprised at the thought and the offer!  It's not as romantic if you have to ask for it.  The same can be said for rubbing her feet.

8.  Call or text to let her know you miss her - Everyone likes to feel missed.  Most of the time, the woman is the one to say, "I miss you."  The man typically may miss her, but doesn't see the need to say it.  Ladies like to feel missed.  It means they are important to you and that you have been thinking of her.  Call her. Text her. Let her know.

9.  Kiss her goodnight and good morning - It's a great habit to have the rest of your life!  Thinking of your wife before bed and after you wake up by giving her a kiss is a way to show her you cherish her.  This is one that Adam is excellent at.  There are some mornings that I sleep through his alarm and his getting ready, but I know when he kisses me before he leaves.  It makes me feel extra cared for and loved.  He takes time every day to make sure he does this before he leaves for work - even when he is running late.

10.  Find something she enjoys and do it with her - Even if you hate it.  Men love doing things together where they don't have to just sit and have one on one conversation.  This is the perfect way to connect with your wife.  Find something that she likes to do that you have never done that you are willing to try with her.  Make the effort to set aside time for it and show her that you are genuinely interested in doing it.  Don't make fun of the activity or complain about it while doing it.  She will be excited to have you interested in something she is interested in.  Just enjoy the time that you spend together doing the activity.

While my list could go on and on, I will stop it at 10.  Some men probably quit reading at number 5.

The point is that wives want to be romanced.  This is just a list of things that I personally would like.

If you really want to know what your wife wants, ask her to make a list of her top 10.  Then, surprise her and do them spontaneously throughout the next few months.  She won't know what to do!

Joyful Moment of the Day: Kaylee giggled all through lunch today.  I don't know what got into her, but it was super cute.


  1. Is it weird I just facebooked this to my husband?? hahaha.

  2. Hahaha! No, it just means we think alike. :)

  3. What a good idea.. you tend to lose sight of romance after being married for so long and focusing on kids. It helps to be reminded why we got married in the first place.

  4. After reading this, I feel extremely blessed. My Husband does all of these things for me regularly. Thanks for reminding me that I cannot take these bits of romance for granted.


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