Adam and I have been discussing marriage lately and how sometimes it can be a walk in the park yet other times it can be more difficult than getting Kaylee to follow directions. All in all, marriage takes work! LOTS OF IT! It's not something that you can just put on or take off whenever you feel like it, in spite of what our culture wants you to believe. All of this discussion spurred my
1. Put God first -This is one that I find to be THE most important thing to keep my relationship with Adam going. Things in my life always seem to reflect my personal relationship with God. When I struggle spiritually, I also struggle with Adam. He may not even have a clue that I am upset or irritated with him. It gradually gets worse until I surrender my thoughts and my heart back to my Creator God and spend time with him. I am also talking about a putting God first - together. Something Adam and I have tried to do ever since we started dating and even some as friends is pray together daily. Through our praying together, we are remembering that God is the author of our story and without Him, we are nothing. In order to keep your marriage HOT, you absolutely MUST put God first!
2. Communicate - You have to talk. Nothing zaps a relationship faster than not keeping in touch with your spouse. Some people have better communication with the check-out lady at Wal-Mart than they do with their own spouse. You must communicate about everything. Keep in touch with one another. Even in the mundane daily things. Surprise your spouse - ask them how their day was, listen intently, and ask questions to show that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you aren't communicating with your spouse, you might as well skip the rest of my list and just start working on this one. If you want a great relationship with your spouse, communicate! It is key!
3. Go on dates together - I never understand why people get married and stop dating their spouse. The only super enjoyable part about dating was when I FINALLY knew I was with the man that I was going to marry and that I was going to get some one-on-one time with him away from the ordinary. Getting dolled up. Sneaking kisses here and there. Holding hands. Now, please understand, I know having kids slows down the dating. When Adam and I were first married we went on dates once a week. Now we are lucky to go once a month. The main thing is making time for your spouse, showing them you still need them/want them. Giving yourselves a chance to COMMUNICATE without kids around. If you want your relationship to heat up, dating is the way to go! (Oh and one last thing - dating could even just be telling your spouse to be ready at 8 when the kids are in bed, taking a blanket to the back yard, and lying down to look at the stars and catch up. It's free and you don't have to get a babysitter!)
4. Put your spouse's needs first - This one is super hard for me. I can be super selfish at times and truly all about me! It is important though that I meet Adam's needs. If Adam needs me to be in good shape, I need to be in good shape. If he needs a break from our girls, I need to give him one. If he needs me to stay up with our girls because he is sick and needs to sleep, I need to do it. Not in a proud, boastful way. I want to do it because I love him. His needs are important to me. If you want to really make your relationship change for the better, put your spouse's needs first. (Here is a great book on this topic you would like to check it out!)
5. Focus on marriage - Adam and I have tried our best to make our marriage be a focus in our marriage at least once a year. Meaning that we try to go through a book, take a class or study at church, or be a part of a marriage group to strengthen our marriage. We strive to make our marriage a top priority and this is one of the ways we do that. We don't want to see our marriage become stagnant. I encourage you, if you want to see your marriage grow for the better, make marriage a main focus.
6. Fight fair - Something Adam and I have really worked hard at is fighting fairly. If things get super heated we try to take time to calm down and remember what we are really fighting about. We try to get arguments done before bed. We also have a rule that we cannot talk about controversial topics and issues after 8 pm. Simply because nothing good can come of the conversation that close to bed time. Also, we make an effort to hear one another out. I may not change Adam's mind on the topic, but I feel better knowing that he considered what I said. In order to make your marriage run well, you have to fight fair!
7. Set goals together - Adam and I have this long list of goals that we would like to complete by a certain time. We try to sit down once a year to go back to this list and check off the things we accomplished and write down when they were accomplished. We also add to the list at this time. One of our goals on our list is to put in a deck in the back yard. It may not be something we get done for a very long time, but it motivates us to save money so that it may be a possibility. Having goals gives both of us sight into our future. A good reminder of the future you have together is to have goals that you can meet, together!
8. Write love letters to one another - Nothing can say "I love you" as clearly as a letter. It expresses feelings and emotions that you might not otherwise usually convey. (even if you are communicating well!) I have found that one of the best things for me to do if I am irritated with Adam about something, is to sit down and write out what I love about him. Soon, the things that I was upset about are long gone and I am all "googly" eyed toward my love of my life once again. You want to remind yourself and your spouse how you feel? Sit down and write them a love letter. See how hot your marriage is then!
9. Say I love you and give kisses every day - I think this one is super duper important. It is by far the easiest of the 10, I think, yet the most over-looked. Every morning I look forward to Adam coming in before leaving and kissing me good-bye for the day and telling me he loves me. I cannot remember a morning that he hasn't done this. It may be habitual at times, but without hearing those words and having that physical connection with him daily it would be easy to feel disconnected from him. This is one small thing that you can try that can make a big difference in your marriage!
10. Have sex - I put this one last because it is crucial to the relationship. Gentlemen, in order for the average woman to be interested in doing number 10. She has to (#4) have her needs met through 1,2,3,8, and 9. Ladies, in order for your spouse to (#4) have his needs met, he needs #10. If 10 is being met, the average man is more interested in 1,2,3,8, and 9. It is a circle and someone has to start it. Don't wait for your spouse to step up to the plate on this. Take initiative. - Now then, I am not going to get real personal on this one. However, it still needs to be discussed. Keep in tune with your spouse in this area. Meet each other's needs here! (See a theme) Make things fun and interesting. Try new and different things. Make time for it! Having sex with your spouse will definitely help keep your marriage spiced up!
Adam and I have come a long way in our relationship. We still have a long way to go. However, I feel we have what it takes to keep our marriage HOT! Do you?
Top 10 Ways to Keep Your Marriage HOT
1. Put God first -This is one that I find to be THE most important thing to keep my relationship with Adam going. Things in my life always seem to reflect my personal relationship with God. When I struggle spiritually, I also struggle with Adam. He may not even have a clue that I am upset or irritated with him. It gradually gets worse until I surrender my thoughts and my heart back to my Creator God and spend time with him. I am also talking about a putting God first - together. Something Adam and I have tried to do ever since we started dating and even some as friends is pray together daily. Through our praying together, we are remembering that God is the author of our story and without Him, we are nothing. In order to keep your marriage HOT, you absolutely MUST put God first!
2. Communicate - You have to talk. Nothing zaps a relationship faster than not keeping in touch with your spouse. Some people have better communication with the check-out lady at Wal-Mart than they do with their own spouse. You must communicate about everything. Keep in touch with one another. Even in the mundane daily things. Surprise your spouse - ask them how their day was, listen intently, and ask questions to show that you are genuinely interested in what they have to say. If you aren't communicating with your spouse, you might as well skip the rest of my list and just start working on this one. If you want a great relationship with your spouse, communicate! It is key!
3. Go on dates together - I never understand why people get married and stop dating their spouse. The only super enjoyable part about dating was when I FINALLY knew I was with the man that I was going to marry and that I was going to get some one-on-one time with him away from the ordinary. Getting dolled up. Sneaking kisses here and there. Holding hands. Now, please understand, I know having kids slows down the dating. When Adam and I were first married we went on dates once a week. Now we are lucky to go once a month. The main thing is making time for your spouse, showing them you still need them/want them. Giving yourselves a chance to COMMUNICATE without kids around. If you want your relationship to heat up, dating is the way to go! (Oh and one last thing - dating could even just be telling your spouse to be ready at 8 when the kids are in bed, taking a blanket to the back yard, and lying down to look at the stars and catch up. It's free and you don't have to get a babysitter!)
4. Put your spouse's needs first - This one is super hard for me. I can be super selfish at times and truly all about me! It is important though that I meet Adam's needs. If Adam needs me to be in good shape, I need to be in good shape. If he needs a break from our girls, I need to give him one. If he needs me to stay up with our girls because he is sick and needs to sleep, I need to do it. Not in a proud, boastful way. I want to do it because I love him. His needs are important to me. If you want to really make your relationship change for the better, put your spouse's needs first. (Here is a great book on this topic you would like to check it out!)
5. Focus on marriage - Adam and I have tried our best to make our marriage be a focus in our marriage at least once a year. Meaning that we try to go through a book, take a class or study at church, or be a part of a marriage group to strengthen our marriage. We strive to make our marriage a top priority and this is one of the ways we do that. We don't want to see our marriage become stagnant. I encourage you, if you want to see your marriage grow for the better, make marriage a main focus.
6. Fight fair - Something Adam and I have really worked hard at is fighting fairly. If things get super heated we try to take time to calm down and remember what we are really fighting about. We try to get arguments done before bed. We also have a rule that we cannot talk about controversial topics and issues after 8 pm. Simply because nothing good can come of the conversation that close to bed time. Also, we make an effort to hear one another out. I may not change Adam's mind on the topic, but I feel better knowing that he considered what I said. In order to make your marriage run well, you have to fight fair!
7. Set goals together - Adam and I have this long list of goals that we would like to complete by a certain time. We try to sit down once a year to go back to this list and check off the things we accomplished and write down when they were accomplished. We also add to the list at this time. One of our goals on our list is to put in a deck in the back yard. It may not be something we get done for a very long time, but it motivates us to save money so that it may be a possibility. Having goals gives both of us sight into our future. A good reminder of the future you have together is to have goals that you can meet, together!
8. Write love letters to one another - Nothing can say "I love you" as clearly as a letter. It expresses feelings and emotions that you might not otherwise usually convey. (even if you are communicating well!) I have found that one of the best things for me to do if I am irritated with Adam about something, is to sit down and write out what I love about him. Soon, the things that I was upset about are long gone and I am all "googly" eyed toward my love of my life once again. You want to remind yourself and your spouse how you feel? Sit down and write them a love letter. See how hot your marriage is then!
9. Say I love you and give kisses every day - I think this one is super duper important. It is by far the easiest of the 10, I think, yet the most over-looked. Every morning I look forward to Adam coming in before leaving and kissing me good-bye for the day and telling me he loves me. I cannot remember a morning that he hasn't done this. It may be habitual at times, but without hearing those words and having that physical connection with him daily it would be easy to feel disconnected from him. This is one small thing that you can try that can make a big difference in your marriage!
10. Have sex - I put this one last because it is crucial to the relationship. Gentlemen, in order for the average woman to be interested in doing number 10. She has to (#4) have her needs met through 1,2,3,8, and 9. Ladies, in order for your spouse to (#4) have his needs met, he needs #10. If 10 is being met, the average man is more interested in 1,2,3,8, and 9. It is a circle and someone has to start it. Don't wait for your spouse to step up to the plate on this. Take initiative. - Now then, I am not going to get real personal on this one. However, it still needs to be discussed. Keep in tune with your spouse in this area. Meet each other's needs here! (See a theme) Make things fun and interesting. Try new and different things. Make time for it! Having sex with your spouse will definitely help keep your marriage spiced up!
Adam and I have come a long way in our relationship. We still have a long way to go. However, I feel we have what it takes to keep our marriage HOT! Do you?
Great advice! thank you cuz!. Shelby tells me he loves me every morning and gives me a kiss. I also believe this is very important. As are the other 9 things.
ReplyDeleteLoved this list! You and Adam should write a book about this topic- your advice and examples are great!
ReplyDelete