A Lifelong Love

You guys. This book.

I am on my 3rd time of listening to it. Why? Because once wasn't enough. The lessons in this book are overwhelming. Gary Thomas guides you through concepts driven by Scripture. Every time I listen, my heart aches at my own selfishness and forgetfulness. How is it possible that I forget so quickly the things that God has shown me through His word and through this book? 

My marriage is not for my or Adam's glory. Adam is not my husband to please and fill all my needs. We are married to bring glory to God. Adam is God's son and with that the question that rings in my head is "if one of my girls married a man that treated her how I treat Adam (both mentally and out loud), would I be pleased with him? In the same way, is God pleased with how I treat His son?" I am in this marriage to worship and please my Savior by the way I love Adam and meet his needs.

How often do I make our marriage about me? 

I started this particular blog two years ago. This is still a book that I read over and over again two years later. Probably the best marriage book I have ever read. It's not a practical tips book. It is going to give me hints on what to do to make Adam happy. This book gets to the heart of the issue. My personal relationship with my Savior. This relationship effects all other relationships, especially my relationship with Adam. If I am not seeking God and His desires for who I am, then I am seeking to serve myself. It's unfortunately my natural inclination. This book is great at reminding me what is truly important about our marriage and leading me to my Bible to seek God when it comes to this relationship. 

This book recommendation came from my brother. Thanks Michael.

Valuable

Being of value has been on my mind a lot lately.

We try to find our value in so many things. Our looks. Our careers. Our relationships.

It is one of my deepest struggles. 

I know my value is found in the Lord. But knowing and hiding it in my heart to dwell on are two very different things. 

Recently our pastor was preaching on Isaiah 43. My takeaway had nothing to do with what he was preaching about and everything to do with the passage.

He has redeemed me. He has summoned me by name. I am His. He is with me through waters, rivers and fire. He is the Lord my God. My Savior. I am precious and honored in His sight. He loves me. He is with me. I have been called, created, formed and made for His glory. 

This passage applies to me through Jesus and I must dwell on it. 

My value is found in Him and Him alone. 

Everything here is so fleeting. Temporary.

Yet my heart sways and follows the temporary.

May this be an area that I grow in this year. 

That I would see myself as who I am in Christ more and more each day.

Nightmare

This morning I woke up to my name being yelled out by one of my girls. Now, let me start by saying that this is not the way to wake me up and my girls know it. If they are barfing, then they can holler. But if they have a bad dream or are scared about something, they are to come in and talk to me. That's the wake up in the middle of the night routine. So, all of that to say, I woke up pretty growly.

Ferociously, I enter Ella's room grumpily asking her why she is yelling across the house. She immediately responded with crying. (I know, mother of the year over here.) I took a deep breath and calmly asked her why she was yelling for me and why she was crying.

She then tells me that she had a terrible nightmare; a tornado came through our house and I died.

Now, the interesting thing about all of this, is that she doesn't know that my mom had a pet scan yesterday to check out a mass they found on a CT scan last week and I had spent the better part of yesterday praying that God would heal the mass and make it disappear or that it would be anything easily remedied and not more cancer. But ultimately, His will be done.

I looked her in the eyes and I said, "Ella, if that happened, two things would take place that I am certain of. One is that God would bring people to you to love on you and take care of you. People would come and hold you and tell you it will be ok. He will send them and they will be here in every way that you need them. And two I would be in Heaven with Jesus and since you believe in Jesus, I would see you again someday."

We talked a few more minutes through tears about the joy of eternity and then I went on to say the same things from my perspective.

"My mom is dying. When she does die, whether soon or ten years from now, I am certain that God will provide for me during my grief and that I will see her again some day. My mom has a personal relationship with God. She knows that Jesus died for her sins and that He rose again. She loves Him and serves Him with every fiber of her being and I am certain that when her time comes she will be in heaven with our Lord and Savior. She will no longer be in pain. She will no longer be suffering. And when that time comes, that will bring my heart joy in the midst of tragedy."

As I crawled back into my bed and contemplated this timely conversation with Ella, sleep eluded me. All the what if's started to plague my thoughts. I replayed my conversation with Ella and was at peace with what is to come. I prayed for a while and thought about the words to the song "It is Well" by Bethel music until sleep finally came.

Skillet

The other night I had the opportunity to go to a Skillet concert.

I love Skillet. One of the first songs that I ever listened to by them was Saturn.

That song came out in October of 1996. I was 13.

Pretty sure I am 17 here.

They played mostly new songs at the concert. I would have loved for them to pull out this song. (Totally forgot that they had a girl drummer one other time!) Or even better, come up with a mix that included a few oldies. That would have been amazing.

Their newest album is incredible. A great mix of old sounds and new. Charlotte asks for "Feel It" pretty much every time we are in the car. The name of that song is actually "Invincible", but that's what she calls it. I love sharing my love for Skillet with my girls.

Labor Day

We have an annual tradition on Labor Day weekend every year. Adam's extended family does a badminton tournament on the Sunday of Labor Day. There is usually a ton of food.

And that is not including the dessert table. There is lots of people and lots of fun.

Adam was in his zone. He loves running events.

Adam and Ryan won for their 14th time.

After the tournament is over, we have the Shelton's come and stay the night for lots of gaming and fun. It is a super enjoyable time for everyone, including the kids. This tradition is one of my favorite parts of the fall season.

Heritage

From my heart to yours, thanks for reading. You are my devoted few that have hung in there over the years. Thanks for stopping by.

Today I want to talk about heritage. I have been richly blessed in this department. 

A couple of weeks ago I had the joy of visiting my Nanny, which is what we call my Momma's mom. During this visit she shared stories with me about her growing up and even how she and my Granddaddy met. It was such a pleasure to visit with her and find out things about her that I didn't know before going to her house.

Then, today, I was able to make dinner for my Papa, Grandma, and Uncle Dennis. My Papa and Grandma are my Dad's parents. Again I was struck at how valuable my time with them was. They shared with my their hearts and thoughts on all sorts of topics. Not only that, but they let my kids have their attention. My Grandma played a board game with them and my Papa and Uncle Dennis watched them ride bikes. They poured into me and my girls and I didn't want to see our evening come to an end.

This is a value I want to instill in my kids. That these relationships matter and are important. 

Our stories rest in theirs. 

We are here because of them. 

How much do you know about your grandparents?

I challenge you. Take time tomorrow, not today since it is almost midnight. Tomorrow. Call your grandparents and just ask them one question about their story. Listen and and truly be a captive audience. I mean focus all of your attention on them. And then tell them you love them. 

You won't regret it.

Even When It Hurts

Faith has been on my mind again today.

My best friend sent me a text that said, "I will keep praying for healing."

And there it was.

"Do you believe that I can heal your Momma this side of Heaven?"

I was just this morning praising God for His being the Healer and the Great Physician.

I think it comes down to this. I do believe He can heal her. I am just not sure it will be on earth.

Maybe it is the prepared part of me. The part that likes to know what is coming. The part that cannot mentally or emotionally handle my Momma dying. It's the same reason I needed to know before giving birth that I was having girl after girl. I need time to process. Praise the Lord that in this case, I have time.

But does my preparedness mean that my faith is inadequate? It's just so complex.

I struggle with the balance. Believing and trusting. Processing. Still believing. Actively believing.

The Almighty God be glorified. No matter what.

         Psalm 69

1 

Save me, O God,

    for the waters have come up to my neck.

2 

I sink in the miry depths,

    where there is no foothold.

I have come into the deep waters;

    the floods engulf me.

3 

I am worn out calling for help;

    my throat is parched.

My eyes fail,

    looking for my God.

4 

Those who hate me without reason

    outnumber the hairs of my head;

many are my enemies without cause,

    those who seek to destroy me.

I am forced to restore

    what I did not steal.

5 

You, God, know my folly;

    my guilt is not hidden from you.

6 

Lord, the Lord Almighty,

    may those who hope in you

    not be disgraced because of me;

God of Israel,

    may those who seek you

    not be put to shame because of me.

7 

For I endure scorn for your sake,

    and shame covers my face.

8 

I am a foreigner to my own family,

    a stranger to my own mother’s children;

9 

for zeal for your house consumes me,

    and the insults of those who insult you fall on me.

10 

When I weep and fast,

    I must endure scorn;

11 

when I put on sackcloth,

    people make sport of me.

12 

Those who sit at the gate mock me,

    and I am the song of the drunkards.

13 

But I pray to you, Lord,

    in the time of your favor;

in your great love, O God,

    answer me with your sure salvation.

14 

Rescue me from the mire,

    do not let me sink;

deliver me from those who hate me,

    from the deep waters.

15 

Do not let the floodwaters engulf me

    or the depths swallow me up

    or the pit close its mouth over me.

16 

Answer me, Lord, out of the goodness of your love;

    in your great mercy turn to me.

17 

Do not hide your face from your servant;

    answer me quickly, for I am in trouble.

18 

Come near and rescue me;

    deliver me because of my foes.

19 

You know how I am scorned, disgraced and shamed;

    all my enemies are before you.

20 

Scorn has broken my heart

    and has left me helpless;

I looked for sympathy, but there was none,

    for comforters, but I found none.

21 

They put gall in my food

    and gave me vinegar for my thirst.

22 

May the table set before them become a snare;

    may it become retribution and[b] a trap.

23 

May their eyes be darkened so they cannot see,

    and their backs be bent forever.

24 

Pour out your wrath on them;

    let your fierce anger overtake them.

25 

May their place be deserted;

    let there be no one to dwell in their tents.

26 

For they persecute those you wound

    and talk about the pain of those you hurt.

27 

Charge them with crime upon crime;

    do not let them share in your salvation.

28 

May they be blotted out of the book of life

    and not be listed with the righteous.

29 

But as for me, afflicted and in pain—

    may your salvation, God, protect me.

30 

I will praise God’s name in song

    and glorify him with thanksgiving.

31 

This will please the Lord more than an ox,

    more than a bull with its horns and hooves.

32 

The poor will see and be glad—

    you who seek God, may your hearts live!

33 

The Lord hears the needy

    and does not despise his captive people.

34 

Let heaven and earth praise him,

    the seas and all that move in them,

35 

for God will save Zion

    and rebuild the cities of Judah.

Then people will settle there and possess it;

36 

    the children of his servants will inherit it,

    and those who love his name will dwell there.