One Year

A year ago today we lost our 3rd baby.

As I look at my Charlotte, I cannot fathom not ever knowing her. My heart overflows with delight and love for her. She stirs emotions in my heart that are at times overwhelming. A sense of overwhelming joy.  I have never given much thought to how Noah must have felt when that rainbow appeared until now.

Rain for 40 days and nights would be so tiring and depressing. I can barely make it through a week of rain before I start grumbling about it. And to go through all of that rain and finally set foot on dry land and see that beautiful rainbow break through the clouds... remarkable. A moment of sheer unspeakable joy. Now I know in Noah's case, it was literal rain, but for me life's storms and real storms both bring out the darkest emotions in me. And when that storm finally eases up. And the sunshine barely peeks out of the clouds just enough to present one of the most beautiful displays of color the world has ever seen. My heart soars knowing the storm has passed if just for a moment. One moment to breathe and thank God for such a beautiful moment.

That beautiful rainbow is my Charlotte.

And as I reflect on the storm. And the depth of pain and heartache that came with it. And remember my sweet baby that I will never see this side of eternity. I thank God for my little rainbow. The rainbow that would have never existed if I hadn't faced that storm.

Our Church Family

Between 3 doctor visits for Charlotte, 1 doctor visit for Adam, 1 call to 911, 1 trip to the ER, taking our fur baby Titus to a shelter, lack of sleep from having a newborn, colds for all of us girls, and making the transition from being a family of 4 to being a family of 5 the last 5 weeks have gone by in a blur.

In spite of all the craziness, these weeks have been wonderful. Wonderful because of the beautiful baby that I hold in my arms. Wonderful because the girls love their little sister. And truly wonderful because of our church family.

Our church family is incredible when it comes to families having babies. For the last 5 weeks people have provided our family a meal 3 days a week. This is such an incredible blessing. I cannot express to you how amazing it is to not have to stress out about meals on top of everything else. It is a marvelous gift that I personally am extremely grateful for.

To all of those that provided a meal for us, thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

Titus

Today we are saying good-bye to Titus. In 2007 Adam and I moved to Indiana. After deciding to wait to get a house until 2008, we agreed on getting a cat to hopefully hold off my baby fever. I went online and found Titus on the humane society website. When we arrived I could not find him and I was extremely discouraged because I really wanted an orange short haired tabby. Adam suggested walking through and looking one last time and thankfully I found him. He was resting in the back of his cage which is why we had missed him the first time.

Titus has been a very good cat. He has had a few accidents over the years, but they all revolve around big changes such as moving and babies being born. It was never a huge problem though because we had hardwood floors so he would pee on something that we left on the floor, like a towel.


Titus loves the girls. It never ceases to amaze me the things that he lets Kaylee and Ella do to him, yet he still comes back for more. They run with him. They jump with him. They dance with him. They play chase and hide and seek. I know they will miss him.

He has seen me through some of my most difficult moments. From wanting a baby to finding out I was pregnant. From hating my job to finding out that I got a new one. From finding out my Momma had cancer to finding out that her surgery was a success. From losing the baby last year to finding out I was pregnant with Charlotte. From quiet times in the morning to playing with the girls in the loud moments of the day. These are times when he has climbed up into my lap and just let me cry or laugh. He has been a very good friend over the years.

Good-bye old friend.

Charlotte's Birth Story

On Monday when I woke up pregnant, I knew it was time to call my doctor and change my Tuesday appointment to an induction if possible. My contractions had been coming consistently for over 2 weeks and were waking me up most nights making sleep impossible.

We arrived at the hospital at 7:30 am and we were immediately taken to a room.  I'll be honest. It was so very strange going to the hospital in order to have a baby versus going because I was in labor. Come to find out though that my morning discomfort was actually contractions that were 8 minutes apart. Once they had me hooked up to all the monitors and had my IV in, they checked me and I was 5 cm dilated already. The nurses said that if I had stuck to my normal appointment that afternoon, the doctor would have sent me over to the hospital to deliver anyways.

At 8:30 they started me on the lowest dose of pitocin. This made my contractions slightly closer together, but I don't feel like they really turned painful until the doctor broke my water about 30 min later. From that point labor moved quickly. We tried to play a game, but labor became so difficult that we were not able to finish the game before the baby came. Around 10:40 I started feeling some pressure to push, but after asking the nurse when they were going to check me for dilation again I decided that maybe I was wrong. 15 minutes later I was certain that I was getting close to pushing and asked the nurse to check me. She checked me and I was 9 cm. They quickly brought in the doctor and prepared for delivery. As soon as the doctor arrived she checked me to make sure that I could push and I was at 10 cm. 3 pushes later and Charlotte Faye entered the world. 

And she is beautiful. I love her.

Charlotte Faye 11/12/13 Born at 11:08 am. 8 pounds 11 ounces 21 inches

39 Weeks

Well, I made it to 39 weeks. It is hard to believe that 39 weeks have flown by. Flown is probably not the right word. Most weeks have crawled by. Especially the weeks that we were trying to sell our house. 

But here we are. I am quite ready to meet this little girl. Sleep has become uncomfortable and rare. Walking and getting things done have been difficult.

There is this tiny part of me that wants the pregnancy to last a little longer. Since this will be our last pregnancy, I would like to savor those last precious kicks, nudges, and hiccups. Hearing that heartbeat at the appointments and seeing my completely round tummy in the mirror. (still so strange and new to me)  

This is the first pregnancy that my belly button has popped. (I have a freckle on the inside of my belly button and never knew!) This is the first pregnancy that I have craved salt instead of sugar. (Hello McDonald's fries.) And the first pregnancy that I have actually nested. (Cleaning is done and I am making homemade bread.) It is truly amazing to me that with all 3 girls I have had some major differences between pregnancies.

Hopefully, our newest addition will be the focus of my next post. :)

Happy Wednesday and happy 39 weeks to me! The end is in sight!

My Reflection

In our old house all of our mirrors were high. So when I looked at my reflection, I simply saw myself from the chest and up.

One of the last days in the old house, I went in to put some laundry away in Kaylee's room and was surprised by the very pregnant woman looking back at me. Her dresser is usually stacked high with pillows so I still only get the partial view of myself, but this day the pillows were on the floor.

Our new house gives me the whole view of myself every time I go to the bathroom. It still amazes me how surprised I am by my pregnant reflection. We have been in the house for 5 days now, you would think I would be used to it. I know that I am pregnant and have been for 35 weeks, but seeing myself pregnant is crazy weird.

I am looking forward to the last few weeks of my pregnancy and getting to watch my belly grow before Charlotte arrives. Maybe I will even be able to tell when she drops. :)

Craziness of the Last Few Weeks

These last several weeks have been super crazy!

Our computer broke. Which was the best timing ever since we weren't spending any money on buying a new house or anything. (Total sarcasm here people.) We ended up just having it fixed, but seriously just got it back yesterday. Needless to say, I have missed all of you and I am so excited to be blogging again.

We closed on both of our houses, the one we were selling and the one we were buying, on last Wednesday. We slowly moved over stuff to the new house, but had two massive hauls on Saturday with some fabulous help. Thank you to all who helped and that includes wives that watched their children so that their husbands could help!

Pause. I also want to say thank you to my buddy from highschool, Jonathan, as he helped us think of new ways to negotiate our contract with the people we were buying the house from. These ideas helped us win in the bidding war and get the house. Thanks so much Jonathan! Ok back to the craziness.

I thought for sure that I was going to go into labor because of all the contractions I was having, but thankfully baby girl stayed put.

This week has been small amounts of unpacking, but mostly cleaning, cooking, and never-ending laundry. 

My goal is to catch you up on our lives over the next week or so and to also finish up Blogtember. I hate that I missed it. 

How have you all been?

Favorite Online Shop

Share links to your favorite online shops, preferably with a few photos of your favorite items in each shop.

My childhood friend Tammie has her own Etsy shop called LittleChurches. This is my favorite item from there. Hopefully, someday I will own one of her items.

Honestly, I do not do a lot of online shopping. And her shop is the only current one I know of that has items to sell. And with cute items that I have considered buying. 

Taking a turn.

Describe a distinct moment when your life took a turn.

The most distinct turn that I can think of was when Adam and I got married. We were no longer dating so I did not have to leave and go back to the dorm at night. 

Shortly after we got married, we had to make serious life altering decisions as to what jobs we would apply for and where they were located. We then moved 8 hours away from the life we had known for the last 5 years to a new apartment in a large city where we knew nobody, but were closer to Adam's family. 

After a year of living here, we both found new jobs and moved into our first home where we started talking about having children. Two years after that, we had Kaylee. Two years after that, we had Elanor. Two years later, I find myself pregnant and getting ready for another move.

The turn in my life wasn't just about all the new things that I was embarking on, but it was about my life no longer being just about me. I went from being on my own to being on a team. A lifelong team that requires lots of work and lots of grace. This turn made me realize how selfish I really am as a person and gave me insight into how much I could grow and change for the better.

Best turn I have ever made.

Personality Test

Take this short personality test and respond to your results. (at the end, find the detailed profile of your personality account - click "click to view" under "You" and "self awareness and personal growth." You can even google your type and find more info on it!)

Jung Typology Test™

Your Type

ESFJ

Extravert(33%) Sensing(50%) Feeling(12%) Judging(56%)

You have moderate preference of Extraversion over Introversion (33%)

You have moderate preference of Sensing over Intuition (50%)

You have slight preference of Feeling over Thinking (12%)

You have moderate preference of Judging over Perceiving (56%)

Since I have taken this sort of test before I already knew that I was an ESFJ, but it is always so interesting to read the explanations. The quote I feel best describes me from all that was said is:

"The ESFJ takes their responsibilities very seriously, and is very dependable. They value security and stability, and have a strong focus on the details of life. They see before others do what needs to be done, and do whatever it takes to make sure that it gets done. They enjoy these types of tasks, and are extremely good at them."

I have noticed that I see what needs to be done before others. This is especially true when it comes to cleaning. I wouldn't neccesarily say that I enjoy those tasks, but I do consider myself pretty good at them. At least cleaning.

"ESFJs are people persons - they love people. They are warmly interested in others. They use their Sensing and Judging characteristics to gather specific, detailed information about others, and turn this information into supportive judgments. They want to like people, and have a special skill at bringing out the best in others. They are extremely good at reading others, and understanding their point of view. The ESFJ's strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant makes them highly supportive of others. People like to be around ESFJs, because the ESFJ has a special gift of invariably making people feel good about themselves."

The part in this statement that I found interesting was the part about "understanding their point of view." To be honest I like thinking through what I would do if I were in that circumstance from either side of the equation. I would agree that I have a "strong desire to be liked and for everything to be pleasant" out of my hate for conflict.

In the bottom they tell you which fictional characters were ESFJ's and I found it funny that Monica from Friends was one. Adam has always told me that I am most like her on the show.

As usual it is strange to read statements that are generalized and to see how true they are of you. But it is also so very interesting to read about both your strengths and weaknesses. 

He's Already There

This summer Adam and I attended the Faith Stories Class that our church offers on Sunday mornings. Basically people come and share their testimonies and then there is small group discussion questions for each table to talk about.

One particular Sunday stands out to me far more than others.

"He's already there."

The lovely woman sharing her testimony was talking about the struggles that she had faced and how it dawned on her that time is nothing to God. He is everywhere and knows all. Nothing shocks Him. He is with me now and He is already with me in the future.

This summer has been very trying for me and my walk with God. I have been groaning out to God about - well a little bit of everything. Things that I just did not understand. And my exhaustion of dealing with it all.

But that one phrase stuck with me.

Krista, He is already there.

Last night this phrase hit me when I was thinking about our house that we have a contract on. It is so much nicer than the house we originally wanted. Nothing needs to be done or fixed up. And it is a beautiful home. 5 years ago Adam and I tried to get a house that was one street over from where we live now. The lady that owned it had flipped it and it looked great, but she would not budge on price. Adam and I simply could not pay what she wanted so we had to walk away. A few days later I found the exact same house one street over, but the basement was finished. A repossession. One that we could fix ourselves the way that we wanted. For a much better price. If we had stretched ourselves thin and bought the one we wanted originally, we would not be making any money on that house now. We would actually be losing money. And so we would not be able to afford the house that we are currently buying.

He was already there.

It is a difficult phrase to swallow when you are walking through that rainstorm without an umbrella or raincoat. To simply trust Him and say, "God, I know you are already there." It is something I have had to remind myself over and over again.

Even now when the sun is trying to peak through the clouds.

He is already there.

This song is called Already There by Casting Crowns.

I heard it a few days after hearing her testimony.

Aunt Judy's Pasta Salad Awesomeness

It has been a very long time since I have posted a recipe so I thought I would share one of our favorites.

Adam's Aunt Judy made this pasta salad when we stayed with them once and we both LOVED it. Mainly because it has lots and lots of meat in it. And it is super tasty.

Aunt Judy's Pasta Salad Awesomeness

(I have halved the recipe because it makes 2 large bowls otherwise and we never finish it fast enough.)

Ingredients:
1/2 green bell pepper
1 cucumber
1 small bunch of green onions
1/2 a bag of crinkled cut carrots
1 bag of mini pepperonis
1/2 a pkg of diced ham
1/2 a pkg of grape tomatoes
1 bag of cubed colby jack cheese
8 oz garden rotini noodles
1/2 a bag of fresh broccoli
1/4 a bottle of salad supreme (dry seasoning by McCormick)
1/2 a bottle of zesty italian dressing

Directions:
Boil the noodles. Drain. Rinse with cold water. Chop the green bell pepper, cucumber, and green onions and mix together with all of the other ingredients. Mix noodles in as well. Refrigerate for a couple of hours before enjoying. It lasts for a few days, but we like eating it within 24 hours best.

Enjoy!

Chicken Tortilla Soup

One of my goals in being a better mother and wife is to cook healthier food (more veggies please).

I first tried this soup at a Women's Bible Study luncheon at my church and loved it! The wonderful lady that made it, handed out the recipe so I am sure she would not mind if I shared her fabulous recipe.

Chicken Tortilla Soup

Ingredients:

1 of each - red, yellow, green, orange bell pepper (diced)

1 onion (diced)

1 whole rotisserie chicken (meat removed from bone)

1 can of black beans (drained and rinsed)

1 can of corn (drained)

1 package of Uncle Ben's spanish rice

2 cans diced tomatoes

1 carton chicken broth

Directions:

Saute' onion and peppers. (I have skipped this and it still tastes the same.)

Throw everything into crockpot. Cook on High 2-4 hours. Low 6-8 hours.

Top with cheese, fritos, tomatoes, or even guacamole. 

Real Fear

A story about a time you were very afraid.

Fear has played a part in my life in tides. The tide comes and with it comes fear, but slowly it releases and falls back and is no longer present.

When my best friend's sister died, I became very aware of death and it's presence in my life. So for a good long while after that, I was paralyzed with fear every time Adam was late getting home or I could not get someone on the phone. Slowly, the fear faded, but every now and then it appears again. Especially once we had the girls.

When my Mom was diagnosed with cancer, fear came once more. Fear of losing my Mom. Fear of living daily without without her calls and her opinions. Fear that Mom's surgery would not go as planned. Or that they would find more cancer. With each reassuring MRI, the fear passes.

When we were in the process of losing baby #3, I was faced with a new fear that I never had with Kaylee and Ella. The days of waiting for me to actually lose the baby were brutal. And then struggling through the days of losing him or her and becoming aware of the gigantic hole in my heart. Fear that my baby will be forgotten. As if he or she never existed. As excited as I was about becoming pregnant with baby #4, losing baby #3 gave me so much fear for the new little life in my womb. Fear that the ultrasound technician would not find the heartbeat. Fear that I would not make it to the end and come home with a baby. Even now with 9 weeks left, this fear sometimes sneaks up on me.

The thing about fear though is that I can let it eat at me constantly or I can make good use of it. What I mean is, instead of letting it be a burden, I let it be used for good. For instance, the fears I have mentioned above all have to do with my love for those in my life. If I find myself bombarded by one of these fears, I find time for those people. So, if I am frantic about Adam being late, then I spend extra time with him when he walks in the door. if I need to see my Mom, then I go see my Mom. If I am struggling with a fear about the baby, I talk to the baby and celebrate the moments that I have right now. Simply - I make those people a priority. It's not always easy. But thanks to technology I can facetime my family even when I am too pregnant to travel to see them or if money is tight at the time.

These are times I have been very afraid. And I simply choose to use my experiences for good rather than letting them get the best of me.

Useful Advice

Pass on some useful advice or information you learned and always remembered.

My natural tendency is to avoid conflict. I hate it. So, if I think I may offend you with my opinion, I simply will keep it to myself. If I choose to share my opinion on difficult topics with you, then I 1)really trust you, 2)love you very much, and 3)most likely am super scared to tell you what I think but feel like I really should. It is rare for me to take conflict head on.

In marriage you face lots of conflict. And honestly you cannot avoid it even if you have tried. Maybe you could, but it would not be healthy for your relationship. So, the best advice that I received when I got married was to never go to bed angry. 

Did I mention I also tend to harbor anger and resentment and if I don't handle it right away it eats at me for days? 

So, this advice is super challenging for me. Especially with having kids. How can you find time to work through an issue when your 2 and 4 year old kids are underfoot? 

But it is a piece of advice that saves me from days upon days of grouchiness and anger. Adam and I are able to talk things out and at least come to some sort of compromise or at least resolve the part of the argument that is making us irritated with each other even if the conflict itself is still unresolved.

I am sure that there are lots of other wonderful advice I have learned, but this was the first to come to mind.

3 Months Off

If you could take three months off from your current life and do anything in the world, what would you do?

Three months off sounds like an extravagant amount of time. My first thought was that since I am "off" I would be alone. But that sounds boring. Yes, I need alone time, but that is far more than this extrovert would ever want.

So. If three months off included my family, I would probably want to travel. I would want to see the Statue of Liberty and Niagra Falls. Take my family to Disney World. Go see my extended family that I haven't seen in forever. See the Grand Canyon. Take the girls to all the places that I grew up. Go to the east and west coasts. Visit friends.

If we didn't run out of time in the states, maybe go to Germany or New Zealand.

It would be a marvelous 3 months.

Giving You Some Background

My family moved. A lot. Like I am only a few years older than how many places I have lived in my life.

My parents made life fun. They were always doing puppet shows for the neighborhood or letting us have lots of friends over. Their love for Jesus poured out of them and into every aspect of our lives. So,  even though moving was difficult and terrible, they kept Michael and I happy and gave us things to look forward to in each move.

With each move, new people entered our lives. It hurt to say goodbye, but the new people helped it not hurt as bad. I wouldn't know half as many people as I do if we had not moved. 

Moving made our family close. Sometimes we only had each other. And while there are times that I wish we could have been like my husband and only live in a few places, I am grateful for the bond that my family has from moving as often as we did. 

The biggest impact that moving had on me was probably in relationships. Relationships are fragile and distance breaks them. So as I got older I began to build walls around myself to keep myself from truly allowing myself to open up to others. It wasn't until college that I feel like I let some of those walls come down.

As we currently prepare to move, we are considering and weighing all the options that are available to us. I don't want to jump the gun and uproot our family if it is not necessary. But I also want to hopefully stay where we land for the next 25 years. When did I become the adult making these decisions? They are not easy that is for sure.

Blogtember

Meggan posted a link for blogging in September and I am going to try to do it. Crazy I know. Especially with pre-school co-op starting, awana starting, finding a house, and moving. But I miss blogging. I have been so extremely stressed out, exhausted, and overwhelmed that I haven't written anything because I do not want to bore you with all of the details of those things. But now I have some inspiration. YAY!


Want to join me? You should! Check it out below. :)

2nd Time Around

This week we officially got another offer on the house that we accepted. An answer to prayer really. I asked for prayer on facebook about the showing we had on Monday. This is a time that I truly felt God's care and His people's care for us.

I have been extremely exhausted from showing the house. At my breaking point exhausted. And this answer to prayer has truly lifted my spirits. Exactly what I needed.

Thank you for praying. Thank you for caring enough to pray.

From the bottom of my heart.

Thanks.

Dear Baby

Dear Baby,

As I sit here relishing the tumbling going on inside of my womb done by your sister, I think of you. It is natural for me to think of you right now. If you were the one inside of my belly, it would be about time for you to make your appearance. My bag would be packed. Our house would be covered in baby items. Totally prepared for your arrival.

My heart hurts this evening. Not just for the days that I will not get with you, but also for all of the other Momma's out there that have endured the same heartache and tragedy of losing their baby. Those first moments that are so special that we miss out on. That first adorable smile. Your first little giggle. The first tear. Your first tooth. The soft baby skin and smell. The way your feet kick as you get excited. The way your hand wraps around my finger.

And while those things will never come to be between you and me, my sweet baby, I still ponder them in my heart.

Missing you makes me long for the day when I can see you in Heaven. When I can wrap my arms around you. And see you with Jesus.  These things make my heart smile.

My dear sweet baby, I love you so much.

You will always be a part of me.

Love,
Momma

Vacation

We arrived at Meggan and Trevor's house last Saturday afternoon. After the grand tour of their beautiful home, we prepared to go out to dinner with friends to celebrate Meggan's birthday.

Sunday was grocery shopping and letting the children run free at the park. The exciting part about Sunday was getting to see Kami. Kami was in my Sunday School class that I taught at the Nazarene Church in Iowa when she was in the 6th grade. I worked with her class until Adam and I got engaged a few years later. We have kept in touch over the years and it has been wonderful to see Kami grow into such a beautiful woman with a big love for Jesus. It was so great to catch up with her!

Monday was super crazy as we packed up and headed to a cabin for the remainder of the week. Meggan and I also drove to Minneapolis to pick up Kimberly and her family. It was so fun to have several hours with Meggan to talk and not have children constantly interrupting. And to be there when Kim and Chris arrived. Here are a few pictures from our time at the cabin.

We had such a fantastic time. We ate. We laughed a lot. We dealt with the craziness of 6 children under 4.  We got zero sleep. But it was all worth it. 

History

This past week I had the joy of spending the week with two of the best people the world has to offer and their wonderful families. My best gal pals, Kim and Meggan.

As we were hanging out I was thinking about what I love about these two ladies and why they are each important to me.

I first met Kim as she was coming out of my room. When she saw me, I gave her a strange look and she took off running to her room. I chased her up to her room questioning her on why she was in my room. After several hours convincing me she was just "looking around" we decided to room together and became fast friends.

Meggan and I were not friends right away. We spent the first semester avoiding one another because of a few misunderstandings. During the summer though, Meggan began to write me and it gave us the opportunity to get past those misunderstandings and really get to know one another. Our friendship took time, but started out on a solid foundation.

The big difference between these two wonderful ladies and all of my other close friends comes down to one thing.

History.

These girls knew me as a single lady. As a freshman. As simply me.

Then, they watched and encouraged me in my relationship with Adam. They were there when we got engaged. And they were beside me when Adam and I got married. They continue to challenge me even now in my relationship with him.

They saw us go from a couple, to a couple with a cat, to a couple with two (almost three) girls.

They are like family to me.

And I hope that they are always in my life.

I look forward to seeing them again soon.

Doctor Who

Several months ago Adam convinced me to watch an episode of Doctor Who that was recommended to him. Not too long after that we were finishing all of the seasons on Netflix.

There are several cheesy episodes. But there are a lot of really really great episodes. The character development is amazing and honestly that is really what pulled me in.

In the 1st season they draw you in with the Doctor and his traveling companion Rose. I don't want to give the story away for those that haven't seen the show, but by the end of first season you can see the love between Rose and the Doctor.

Season 2 introduces David Tennant as the Doctor and wow. Let me just say that he is a fabulous actor. He can say so much without ever saying a word. He simply makes a face and you know exactly what he is thinking. Season 2 ends with me in tears and we will just leave it at that.

During season 3 you get to know Martha Jones. She is strong, brave, and can hold her own. She gives the show a new feel from the companion side of things. While the Doctor still has to save Martha at times, she is perfectly capable of handling things. Where Rose was always the damsel in distress, Martha just seems to be more of a sidekick.

Season 4 is simply incredible. Mostly because David Tennant is amazing. Donna Noble enters the scene as the companion and it is fun to watch her interact with the Doctor as what almost seems to be siblings or a couple that has been married for ages. This season also brings in Riversong and she gives the sense that she and the Doctor have an interesting history.

The 5th season brings in Matt Smith as the Doctor and also brings Amelia Pond into the story. Amelia Pond might be my favorite companion in the 6 seasons. Mostly because she loves the Doctor, but not in the way the others have. She is in love with Rory. And while she loves the adventure that the Doctor brings, she is not in love with him. 

The final season on Netflix is 6. Matt Smith took a little while to get used to as the Doctor, but finally grew on me by the end. I am not sure if he progressively got better or if I just became used to him playing the part finally that I liked him more.

I look forward to seeing season 7 and on.

If you can handle somewhat creepy/occasionally scary and you like watching shows other than the typical crime or police show, then you should try this show. Start with season 3 episode 11 just to give it a try. If you like it, then jump into season 1. Let me know what you think. 

Nutella

This morning after the girls came in for our usual morning cuddles, they quickly disappeared to the kitchen to "help me" get ready for breakfast. Kaylee likes to get the spoons and cereal out.

It takes me a few minutes to roll out of bed, but I noticed that it was unusually quiet in my house which is never a good sign with a 2 and 4 year old.

I called out, "Girls, what are you doing?"

Silence.

"Girls, answer me."

More silence.

I hopped out of bed as quick as my pregnant self can move and walked into the kitchen to see two little chocolate covered faces. Kaylee was holding the open jar of Nutella. 4 little hands were smothered in the chocolate hazelnut spread.

Quickly I handed them wet paper towels to wash up while I put away the morning snack of choice. They threw the paper towels away and I immediately was wishing I had gotten a picture of their faces before they cleaned up. Thankfully, when I turned around, they were still a little messy so I quickly snapped a picture of their naughty little selves.

Enjoy.

Change of Plans

After weeks of packing and preparing to move, the buyer backed out on Friday.

Thankfully, we were busy with Adam's softball tournament and hanging out with friends so I did not have much time to dwell on the disappointment of having to back out of the house we were buying.

Please be praying for us as we endure more showings with the children underfoot and myself being pregnant. It is tiring to constantly have the house clean.

I was hoping this whole process was coming to an end and now we are starting all over again.

Thanks for your prayers.

House Selling Stress

If you follow my blog even just a little bit, you have probably noticed that I have been unusually quiet as of late. It's not that there aren't things to share with you. It is actually opposite of that. There is so much going on here that I have been completely stressed out.

Remember about a month ago when I posted about selling our house?

Well, within 7 days of having it listed, we had a buyer. And with the house selling process comes so much paper work and so much work in general that I have been exhausted. "What? You are coming to my house for the inspection and it could take a couple of hours? Sure! I can find something to do for 2 hours with a 2 and 4 year old. Oh, an appraisal? Another couple of hours on a different day?" *sigh You get my drift. It is a lot. To top it off the buyer's lender keeps switching up the closing date and I am just ready to be done.

Oh did I mention that we are trying to buy another house in the process? And are dealing with the same paper work etc for that house.

It is a lot.

I don't ever want to move again.

Seriously. I am not sure how my parents moved so much when we were growing up. It makes me want to barf any time I think about doing it again or starting over.

So that is where I have been. Stressed out completely.

With the buyer moving the closing date we had to cancel on my brother-in-law, Caleb, and his wife, Lindsey. We were going to go stay with Lindsey's grandma for a weekend at her house. Since we were free all of a sudden this weekend, Caleb asked if we wanted to join them since we couldn't on the original date planned.

Going into it, I had a bad attitude. I pictured everyone else having a good time and me wrangling the kids all weekend because Adam just kept mentioning all of the fishing that he was going to be doing. And since most grandma's houses are full of things they don't want children touching, I pictured myself stressed out even more because I was chasing the girls trying to keep them out of things.

Thankfully, I went.

In spite of my bad attitude.

This grandma's house rocks. And she was so awesome, sweet, and laid back.

Her back porch was huge. AND gated. So, the girls played out there with their toys while we were in the house. And her house was very kid friendly. There really wasn't anything for them to get in to.

See, this is when I look at the timing of events and think that God worked out this timing just for me. He knew I would need to relax. Spend time just being. And not stressing out over all that needs to be done.

Last night I had some time alone. The girls were in bed. Katie and Hannah were both showering. Adam and Caleb were fishing. And Lindsey and her grandma went to pick them up off the river.

So I sat out on the deck over looking the lake. And instead of reading a book or finding something else to do, I simply sat there. And felt God pour over me. "Be still," whispered among the trees. I sang a few choruses and read a couple of passages from my Bible. And had a few minutes to thank the Lord for knowing exactly what I needed. And for providing it in such an unexpected manner.

The moment of alone time ended. But God made himself known the rest of the night. First through a rainbow that arched over the lake and second through the most magnificent sunset.

God is so good to me.

Into the lake

There are times as a parent that I feel the pressure to do something that I don't want to do.

This week I felt that pressure.

We went down to Arkansas for my Nanny's 80th Birthday and while we were down there we stayed with my parents in their camper. We went thinking that at some point we would take the girls swimming, but when Adam had to leave to go back home to get back to work I knew that we most likely would not end up going down to the lake.

Kaylee kept asking to go swimming "with the fish in the lake" and so the parental pressure was on. Let me provide you with a little background. I absolutely hate swimming in lakes in general. The bottom feels disgusting and overall the experience grosses me out.

But since Kaylee really wanted to go, I took her and Elanor down to the lake for a quick swim. And honestly hated every minute of the actual swim which was more of a wade (on painful rocks) with 2 clinging children.

But I am so glad I took them.

They learned more about trusting me and that they can let go a little and know that I will still catch them. (and in this case not let them drown) I was able to see their excitement about going into the water and see them go from not trusting at all to relinquishing complete control over to me. They both had so much fear in the beginning, but by the end had complete faith in my ability to keep them safe.

This is such a beautiful reminder to me of how I am with God at times. I go in excited but completely lacking in faith and come out of it trusting and completely willing to give my control of the situation over to Him.