Yesterday was a hard day. I had my follow-up appointment for my miscarriage. Since I talk very openly about the whole ordeal with my friends, I did not expect it to cause such turmoil the way it did.
My Dr kept asking me questions about how I am feeling and doing.
The appointment ended with me crying in the van on the way to pick up the girls.
When we got home there was a package by the front door. My necklace.
All in all, I thought a lot about the baby yesterday. And myself and where I am at with my grief.
Have you heard the song "Just Have to Wait" by Steven Curtis Chapman?
My friend bought me the CD (prior to my miscarriage) for Christmas and so the song itself is new to me. Basically it is a song about his daughter and having to wait to dance with her and see her smile again someday in Heaven.
So I just have to wait.
To see if my baby was a boy or girl.
To see which of us the baby looks like more.
To see the girls' response to their new sibling.
To hold my baby.
To tell my baby I love you.
I just have to wait.
And for that, I am thankful. Because if I didn't have my hope in Christ, I would not be seeing my baby someday. And I am not sure I could survive the grief without that hope.
Thank you Jesus. For all You did for me and still do in my life. I am lost without You.
Although we don't feel the loss to the depths and magnitude that you do, we too are wishing we had the opportunity to snuggle with a precious new young'n. Instead we join you in waiting and trusting in the knowledge that Abba is snuggling and caring for your sweet baby. We'll be there someday with you & will take our turns at expressing love the way perfectly, just as He has designed us to love.
ReplyDeleteI love you and am giving you a virtual hug right now.