The Necklace

Sadly, our society would say that what I lost was not really a baby.

I am sorry, but society, you are wrong.

That was my baby.

One that would have unique DNA composed from Adam and my genes. Most likely looking more like Adam because let's face it, both of my girls look like their handsome Daddy.

If I were to guess, I would say another blond haired blue eyed girl. Adam kept telling me he thought it was a girl. And while I hoped it was a boy, deep down I think it was a girl too. Maybe she would have been my little athlete. Getting all of her Daddy's mad skills at sports. She definitely would have been tall like her sisters. They have both been in the 90's on the percentile charts in height since they were born. I have no doubt she would have been the same.

These last couple of weeks I have not blogged much about the baby, but it is not that I haven't thought about him or her. I am just truly trying to work through my grief and sometimes I would rather not talk about it.

Some days are really hard. I just want to curl up and ignore the world. Not easy to do with my 3 year old and 1 year old, but nevertheless that is what I want to do. Some days I find it so easy to praise the Lord for the blessing of knowing the baby if just for a moment.

Praise vs anger. Hope vs grief.

These are my daily battles.

I started this post simply to tell you that I love my necklace that I got to help me remember the baby. (I got a little sidetracked. I know.) It  has helped me to remember that I was pregnant. With a beautiful little baby. That God loves.

And some days, that is all I need to get me through the day.

(There are several websites that offer jewelry for infant loss. My necklace is from LaBelleDame.com and each letter on my necklace is individually stamped by hand.)