Because You Are

Today Momma starts radiation. 1 treatment of 25.

It has been interesting to see God move and stretch me through this whole situation.

Some days I struggle with doubt and frustration.  It was supposed to be a black and white situation. Mastectomy. Reconstruction. Pill. Gone. .9mm changed all that. Chemo recommended. Surgery recommended. Radiation promised. After all the debate, radiation is the answer. Will radiation really do the trick???

Some days I am indifferent and just simply do not want to think about it.

Some days I have peace and know that God will bring good from the situation. I just finished reading The Lion's Mark trilogy by Francine Rivers and it reminded me constantly of just that. God's love never changes and He is with me. I just need to seek Him and I will find Him.

There is a band called Everybody Duck. They have a song that really fits where I feel like I have been spiritually during this whole thing.

Here it is. Check it out.

Toothpaste and Sunscreen

When we were in Kansas for our college reunion a couple of months ago we had a situation with Kaylee and Ella involving sunscreen that was not fun to clean up. (Ella's outfit from that day still smells like sunscreen.)

And maybe you are one of my few wonderful followers that remembers this post from not long before that.

Well, that is not the end of Kaylee's little mess making nap times.

Last week we were in South Carolina for Adam's brother's wedding. We put the girls down for naps and turned on the monitor. Small noises here and there including some singing and laughing, but all somewhat harmless sounds when the girls are in the same room napping together. Adam's Mom graciously held down the monitor for us so that Adam and I could go play in the ocean for a short bit. When we came back, we rinsed off the sand in the back yard and as we were coming around to the front Kaylee started opening the door to our side of the beach house. She was covered in something white as well as wearing her pajamas. (She was dressed before the nap began.) As I push her back to survey the room, I am astonished to see the mess she has made. (Talk about having a flash forward to 14 years from now.) Both toy bags were dumped and toys were scattered everywhere. Both things of sunscreen are open and strewn about with the toys. WHITE STUFF WAS EVERYWHERE! The entire floor. The bed. The couch. Kaylee. The packnplay. Ella. And then there was a lone tube of toothpaste, empty. (was brand new)

Adam took Kaylee next door to deal with her while I cleaned up the mess. I don't have a picture of the over all mess because I did not think of taking a picture until I was finally able to make it over to Ella. Who looked so sweet as she was sleeping. Among the mess.

In the packnplay with Ella are some stale veggie straws, toys, sippy cup, pacis, her bear and blanket, and if you look closely under the food and toys you can see the stain from the Dr Pepper that I had leftover that was also dumped in there.

You can't see Ella's head from that picture so here is the view from when she was awake.

Thankfully, the white stuff was not the sunscreen but the toothpaste. It was surprisingly a lot easier to clean up than the baby sunscreen was. And it smelled better too.

Kaylee definitely keeps us on our toes.

Cancer Answer

After much prayer and debate, my Mom and Dad decided to only do radiation.

A board of specialists met on Thursday to look over and discuss my Mom's case and all agreed that she should have radiation and only two said that she should consider having chemo.

She met with her breast surgeon yesterday and after looking at Mom's diagnostic mammogram, she decided Mom does not need another surgery.

She starts radiation soon. The cool part is that since she opted for reconstruction instead of an implant, there will not be as much damage as there would have been. (Still some damage, but not as much.)

Thank you so much for praying for my parents! I really appreciate it!

Cancer Dilemma

Yesterday my Mom and Dad met with my Mom's new oncologist. Going into the appointment they knew that there was .9 mm of cancer left around the edge of her muscle where she had the mastectomy and that she was going to have to take a pill for the next 5 years.

What they were not anticipating was that the oncologist was going to recommend she have radiation and chemo.

The cancer that is still in there was unexpected by her original surgeon and that if they were not immediately doing reconstruction then he would have recommended a second surgery to remove the rest from the muscle. However, since the reconstruction was happening that day and already set in motion, they continued with the procedure. (They start doing the reconstruction during the mastectomy.) After her surgery was complete, her surgeon said that she should be alright if she just takes the pill.

Her new oncologist thinks otherwise.

I don't know all of the scientific jargon, but the cancer that was left could potentially spread to other places of her body if the pill does not work. Or she could be assured that the cancer is gone by putting her body through chemo and radiation along with taking the pill.

My heart is hurting for my Mom and Dad.

Could you please pray for them? They have to make this decision by next Friday. They need wisdom and discernment about what to do. And confidence and peace about their decision.

The Grass is Always Greener

I am sure you have heard the phrase. Well, in my case it is literally the truth. My neighbor has such a beautiful yard. An oasis.

Especially compared to my dry dead yard.

She spends countless hours and dollars to keep her yard looking wonderful. Seeing her and her workers diligently take care of her yard day in and day out, I am reminded of the work it takes to maintain other things in life.

Relationships. Weight. Money. Home.

All of these things require hours of work, maintenance, and growth in order to make them beautiful and extraordinary.

I am going to be completely honest with you. Sometimes I let my laziness keep me from doing what needs to be done. It holds me back from having something lovely. Something well maintained and groomed. Hopefully, from here on, my neighbor's yard will be a constant reminder to me that if I put forth extra effort and energy I will have beautiful worthwhile results.

Moment's Like These

Seasoned parents always tell us new parents that later on we will miss these days when our children are young. At these moments I want to laugh and say, "uh, yeah right!?!" Endless diapers, whining, and "NO!". Constant dependence on me. It is tiring.

But. 

Then there are moments like these:

-Ella carries her bear over to me, backs up towards me, and sits on my lap cuddling her bear and bouncing her feet.

-Kaylee crawls up on to my lap, wraps her arms around me, lays her head on my chest, and simply holds me.

-Ella starts giggling like crazy about nothing.

-Kaylee sings about what she is playing with.

-They fall asleep in the van.

-Ella spins around in circles.

-Kaylee gives Ella hugs and kisses for no reason.

-Ella smiles at me when I look at her.

-Kaylee wakes up afraid and needs me.

-They play together.

-Ella wants me to cuddle with her.

-Kaylee wants to help me cook.

-Ella signs "please" when she wants to sit on the couch with me.

-Kaylee wants me to paint her nails.

-They dance together.

-Ella gives me a big hug and kiss.

-Kaylee wants me to hold her hand in the van.

-Ella holding her hand out to me because she doesn't like that it is dirty.

-Kaylee making faces back and forth with me.

-They laugh and laugh for long periods of time.

These are the moment's that make me say, "Oh yes. I know. I will definitely miss these days." These are the moments that I cherish and know that they will be gone in a blink on an eye. With every stage, I am sure there are moments like these. Special moments that one day I will miss as a parent and other moments that I will be glad are over. In the mean time, I will savor the good things in this stage and enjoy them while I can. Because some day I will miss them.

Krista's Fun Facts

So last night I could not sleep a wink. And it got me thinking about the little quirks that I have and the weird things that I do that others may or may not know about me. For your entertainment here is said list.

-At night, I prefer the room to be cold so that I can snuggle up into the blankets.

-There is only one way to clean and it is my way. (Ask Adam.)

-I HATE clutter.

-When the girls start digging out tons of toys it stresses me out. (mostly because I hate clutter)

-Ever since Ella was born, I have a hard time getting to sleep and some nights I lay awake for hours, unable to shut off my brain.

-My mouth is still numb from having my wisdom teeth taken out and could take about 6 months to get the feeling back.

-My favorite household chore was laundry until I moved into a home where my laundry is in the basement.

-My least favorite household chore is dusting. 

-I LOVE putting Kaylee to bed at night because I enjoy singing and praying with her and talking about the day.

-In the last 4 days, I killed over 39 flies. (stopped counting at 39 and that was just in 2 days)

-I am really bad at the game Lost Cities.

-When I am going to bed, the bedside lamp has to be on because I cannot stand getting into bed in the dark. (I blame my Mom on this one because of the time she crawled into my bed when I had gotten up to go to the bathroom so that she could get me back for always scaring my brother.)

-I LOVE putting Ella to bed because she cuddles up with her bear while I sing and she looks super sweet. (which makes me want to pick her up to snuggle and start bedtime all over)

-The girls know our routine so well that they do it by themselves now. After breakfast is playtime in the living room. They just went in the living room, shut themselves in, and started playing.

-I like to throw wet diapers at Adam. He hates it.

-Ever since I came up with that pet peeves list, I continually am aware of other pet peeves that I have. (So, I text Michael with them.)

-Dr. Pepper is the best pop ever.

-Water is disgusting.

-I enjoy doing the 30 Day Shred because I know it works. (I've lost 22 pounds since Christmas!!!)

-It is hard for me to choose working out over taking a nap. I like naps.

-Being a parent is a lot more work than I ever thought it would be.

-If I were a super hero, my weakness would be ice cream.

-My husband is my soul mate. I love him very much.

-I hardly ever wear make-up because I like that it makes me feel beautiful for rare occasions.

This concludes the fun facts for now. Have a fabulous Tuesday!